updated 14 May 2012, 16:50
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Mon, Apr 30, 2012
The Star/Asia News Network
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Ready to fight for love?

Dear Thelma

My colleague and I have allowed ourselves time to develop our feelings for each other. She's a Muslim while I was brought up in a Catholic family.

We're in our thirties but have yet to inform our families about our relationship because we only communicate during work hours.

We have always agreed that should a right candidate come along, we should move on individually.

She is currently seeing someone of the same ethic background, but we continue to maintain our relationship, again only during the course of work.

While I am happy to maintain the status quo, I cannot help but feel that her attention is divided.

We remain honest with each other, and the attraction has grown deeper.

I have spoken to her about this on several occasions, but we cannot seem to return to just being colleagues. I have tried walking away many times, but to no avail.

I understand that one of us would have to leave the company for normalcy to return, but we are at odds as we both like our jobs. Ultimately, a decision between love and bigotry must be made.

I would like to seek your thoughts on this matter as I've been deeply troubled by these recent events.


As you are both well-educated, working professionals, you should be least concerned about the consequences of marrying someone of a different ethnic group.

Society has long accepted that we are a multiracial, multi-religious country, where mixed marriages are no longer deemed taboo or scandalous.

You should never allow love to be thwarted by different religious beliefs. Although you must be aware that you need to convert when you marry, ask yourself if you are able to do this for the woman you love.

While family members might object if they are still archaic and bigoted, you should not be afraid to do what you know is right.

But if you feel that the pressure and stress from objections is too much to cope with, walk away now.

However, your decision today will reflect on our future. Will our children have to sacrifice love because of ignorance and bigotry?

Or can we all love regardless of race, colour or religion, and without fear?

You can change your jobs, but you have to face the fact that things will never be normal again.

You both will be spared the discomfort or awkwardness of seeing and interacting with each other, but you will both be changed by this experience.

I do not know how long your relationship has been going on, but that seems immaterial as you sound as if it is serious.

Do you really want bigotry to "win" in this situation?

It seems sad to think that in this day and age in this country of ours, such a dilemma should arise.

Many of us would like to think that we have moved beyond issues of ethnicity and religion in our interactions with each other, what more when it comes to the matter of love.

If you both really feel that strongly for each other, it seems fairly obvious what you should do.

However, if you are willing to give up on the love that you have found, then you should both do what you think is right.

Just bear in mind that either decision will have its consequences and you must be ready and willing to endure that.

Dear Thelma

Is something bothering you? Do you need a listening ear or a shoulder to lean on? Thelma is here to help. Write to Dear Thelma, c/o Star2, Menara Star, 15 Jalan 16/11, 46350 Petaling Jaya or e-mail star2. [email protected]. The Star does not give any warranty on accuracy, completeness, usefulness, fitness for any particular purpose or other assurances as to the opinions and views expressed in this column. The Star disclaims all responsibility for any losses suffered directly or indirectly arising from reliance on such opinions and views.


readers' comments

Not I say de. Is everybody said wan. We talked behind your back mah :D. Statistically you need to post 29 posts per day, am I right? Am I right?
Posted by mystrawberry on Wed, 2 May 2012 at 13:44 PM

That is not a nice thing to say. If you call me an attention seeker, it is only fair that you substiantiate your allegation. :rolleyes:
Posted by smickno on Wed, 2 May 2012 at 00:04 AM

You mean Malay women are not chabors? So, what are they? Malaybors? :confused:
Posted by smickno on Wed, 2 May 2012 at 00:03 AM
He attention seeker lah. Don't expect magic from him ;)
Posted by mystrawberry on Tue, 1 May 2012 at 23:29 PM

WLA! KNS! Like that also can blame me. You eat full full no place to 'pang sai' is it? Go squat at the newspaper lah. I bery good to bring her down due to her 'irresponsible' act hor. Your eyes got 'sai' is it?
Posted by mystrawberry on Tue, 1 May 2012 at 23:27 PM

This is a malay woman you are talking about.. what charbor? Please check the proper reference before using it.

Posted by tlukay59 on Tue, 1 May 2012 at 23:15 PM

Well, what this two timing chabor is doing goes to show is that you chabors are no angels and it is about time you chabors stop your finger pointing. :rolleyes:
Posted by smickno on Tue, 1 May 2012 at 23:07 PM

The Way I See It:

Prostitution religion is the only religion without boundary. :D

Posted by ILostMyBall on Tue, 1 May 2012 at 23:05 PM
Stupid. In terms of religion wise, Muslim is NQA right? So, dear Thelma is trying to be hip? Give us a break. This particular religion doesn't work this way. I can only see this girl making use of him to satisfy her 'lust' for attention. What is relationship during office hours only? Sacrificing a career for love when she did not even gave him the 'exclusivity'?. Is this guy ... 18 years old? Ha ... Ha ... Hahaha
Posted by mystrawberry on Tue, 1 May 2012 at 23:03 PM

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