Dear Thelma

My colleague and I have allowed ourselves time to develop our feelings for each other. She's a Muslim while I was brought up in a Catholic family.

We're in our thirties but have yet to inform our families about our relationship because we only communicate during work hours.

We have always agreed that should a right candidate come along, we should move on individually.

She is currently seeing someone of the same ethic background, but we continue to maintain our relationship, again only during the course of work.

While I am happy to maintain the status quo, I cannot help but feel that her attention is divided.

We remain honest with each other, and the attraction has grown deeper.

I have spoken to her about this on several occasions, but we cannot seem to return to just being colleagues. I have tried walking away many times, but to no avail.

I understand that one of us would have to leave the company for normalcy to return, but we are at odds as we both like our jobs. Ultimately, a decision between love and bigotry must be made.

I would like to seek your thoughts on this matter as I've been deeply troubled by these recent events.

Torn

As you are both well-educated, working professionals, you should be least concerned about the consequences of marrying someone of a different ethnic group.

Society has long accepted that we are a multiracial, multi-religious country, where mixed marriages are no longer deemed taboo or scandalous.

You should never allow love to be thwarted by different religious beliefs. Although you must be aware that you need to convert when you marry, ask yourself if you are able to do this for the woman you love.

While family members might object if they are still archaic and bigoted, you should not be afraid to do what you know is right.

But if you feel that the pressure and stress from objections is too much to cope with, walk away now.

However, your decision today will reflect on our future. Will our children have to sacrifice love because of ignorance and bigotry?

Or can we all love regardless of race, colour or religion, and without fear?

You can change your jobs, but you have to face the fact that things will never be normal again.

You both will be spared the discomfort or awkwardness of seeing and interacting with each other, but you will both be changed by this experience.

I do not know how long your relationship has been going on, but that seems immaterial as you sound as if it is serious.

Do you really want bigotry to "win" in this situation?

It seems sad to think that in this day and age in this country of ours, such a dilemma should arise.

Many of us would like to think that we have moved beyond issues of ethnicity and religion in our interactions with each other, what more when it comes to the matter of love.

If you both really feel that strongly for each other, it seems fairly obvious what you should do.

However, if you are willing to give up on the love that you have found, then you should both do what you think is right.

Just bear in mind that either decision will have its consequences and you must be ready and willing to endure that.

Dear Thelma

Is something bothering you? Do you need a listening ear or a shoulder to lean on? Thelma is here to help. Write to Dear Thelma, c/o Star2, Menara Star, 15 Jalan 16/11, 46350 Petaling Jaya or e-mail star2. [email protected]. The Star does not give any warranty on accuracy, completeness, usefulness, fitness for any particular purpose or other assurances as to the opinions and views expressed in this column. The Star disclaims all responsibility for any losses suffered directly or indirectly arising from reliance on such opinions and views.