Vincent* was shocked when Lisa divorced him, but even more so when he realised she was having her lover’s child. He tells all about his custody battle for his daughter.

*All names have been changed to protect their identities.

“Lisa and I met in 2006, through work, and got married less than a year later. Our daughter, Elaine, was conceived on our wedding night – I know that because we didn’t have sex again for months afterwards.

We started out as a regular couple in every sense, except in the bedroom. Lisa had wanted to wait until our wedding night to make love, and I’d agreed. But after our first time together, we practically stopped having sex – in the four years we were married, we had sex less than five times.

I felt the lack of intimacy was putting a strain on our relationship and suggested marital counselling. But we never got around to it.

In 2010, she quit her job to go into real estate and insurance. That was when she started meeting up with a male acquaintance in the same industry.

She also started coming home in the wee hours of the morning, and often switched off her mobile phone. Once, I waited until 4am for her to get home. When I asked her where she’d been, she said she was entertaining clients. I believed her, and even told her I was worried about her health.

As I travelled frequently for work, Lisa would bunk over at her parents’ place with our daughter. Whenever I returned, and Lisa wasn’t home, I’d head over to my in-laws’ place. But she often wasn’t there either. Once, her sister even mentioned that she hadn’t seen Lisa for a while.

I knew something was wrong but I was exhausted from the frequent travelling – and I wanted to trust my wife. 

In early January 2011, we sold our apartment but hadn’t secured another; Lisa was supposed to draw on her real estate contacts to look for a new place for us. While waiting, we moved into our respective parents’ homes – a temporary arrangement, I thought.

But weeks passed and it became clear to me that Lisa wasn’t making any effort to find us a home. When I went to her parents’ place to talk to her, she led me into her room and before I could say anything, she served me with divorce papers.

She said we weren’t working out and there was no point in staying married. She had already done the paperwork – all she needed was my signature. By then, I was just too physically and emotionally drained to try and change her mind. I agreed to the divorce. We would have joint custody of Elaine – Lisa had care and control of her; I had unlimited access.