All names have been changed to protect the identities of those involved.
When Joanna, 25, was still dating her live-in boyfriend Ted, she would wait till he fell asleep before doing her regular deed: Checking his smartphone for signs of a “double life”.
It would be a quick two-minute task (“I couldn’t risk him catching me in the act”), but her search was thorough. “I would go through his Facebook and Pinterest account, SMSes, notes, Safari browser history, Whatsapp messages… Anything that involved data input from him,” admits the advertising executive.
She would also note which Facebook friends he interacted with the most, scanning through the private messages they sent him.
Even though he often changed his phone’s passcode, she always figured out what it was “by watching his fingers whenever he typed it in”, she adds.
Joanna admits she snooped on Ted right at the start of their relationship because he had a “roving eye”. While she had never caught him cheating, he would frequently check out other women when they were out. She also had a “gut feeling” he wasn’t telling her everything about his life.
Joanna finally discovered that Ted had been keeping in touch with a former flame even though he denied it at first. He was also telling others he was “single”, even though he’d been dating Joanna for close to a year.
These revelations pushed her to end their relationship recently after less than a year of dating.
Does she feel she breached her ex’s trust? Joanna says she’s not the only one doing it. All her friends keep tabs on their boyfriends to some extent, checking their phones or Facebook-stalking them.
"As a partner, I would want to know if something was up," she explains. She said Ted got mad when he once caught her snooping, but "if he’s got nothing to hide, why be so defensive?"
In retrospect, Joanna regrets her actions somewhat. She admits: “Sometimes I think I’d prefer to be ignorant and happy, rather than know everything.”
But that won’t stop her. She insists she’ll continue to check the phones of her future boyfriends if she suspects something is up. "It’s in my nature to snoop and dig."
Ted and her are now friends, and they meet up occasionally. But Joanna still can’t resist the urge. “I checked his phone again just last night when we were out,” she confides.