updated 4 Feb 2013, 08:19
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Thu, Jan 10, 2013
Simply Her
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More than just friends
by Tracy Heah

Show me a little love

In the span of a year, I would visit New York another three times, and every trip would last for about two weeks. Each time, I would get butterflies in my stomach with anticipation by the time the pilot announced we were beginning our descent to JFK (John F. Kennedy International Airport).

In between work and meetings, Andreas would wine and dine me. We strolled along the beaches in the evenings, and he took me to Providence and Long Island, the most beautiful places I have ever been to.

Although we never went further than holding hands, we both knew we were more than just colleagues or friends. We spent hours cuddled up on a blanket in a park or on the beach, talking. We felt like we were soulmates. When I was back in Singapore, we talked on the phone and chatted via instant messaging.

We never exchanged sexy pictures, never had sex and never talked dirty. We didn't speak about leaving our spouses for each other. Perhaps that should have indicated to me where my heart really was.

The beginning of the end

My last trip to New York was in 2004. Andreas drove us up to Boston to show me his alma mater. While strolling the grounds, he leaned in to kiss me. It was a kiss I would remember for a long time. It would be the only kiss we would ever share.

When I returned to Singapore, I locked myself in my bathroom, giggling like a schoolgirl on a call with Andreas. I thought I was alone at home. But as luck would have it, David had come home early and was hovering outside the bathroom door.

I don't know how long he stood there, or how much it must have hurt him to listen to my enamoured chatter. I only realised my relationship with Andreas was no longer a secret when I heard the front door slam shut. David had stormed out.

I had never been so scared. My first thought was that David would take Lucas away from me. I waited five hours for my husband to come home. He was still fuming when he walked in. We argued and cried all night and the next day; neither of us went to work.

He was crushed that I'd been with another man. I told him repeatedly that we hadn't slept together, and that we had only kissed once. He was devastated that I had shared my laughter, dreams, and daily grievances and joys with another man, and said he wanted a divorce.

I went from pleading for his forgiveness to blaming him for leaving me alone, for not being affectionate enough, and for working long hours. He threw it back at me saying he felt lonely because we hardly ever made love anymore.

Over the next two weeks, we barely spoke to each other.


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