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updated 3 Oct 2013, 16:59
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Sun, Sep 29, 2013
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Is "trust" outdated?
by Jeanne Tai

Several PIs say rising divorce rates might be prompting more women to invest in premarital checks. After all, no one wants to be just another statistic. "It's hard to fully trust any man. Some men are smooth-talkers and good liars," says Melissa Lim, 26, an educational administrator who says she would hire a PI if she suspected her boyfriend was lying to her. "I'd rather be safe than sorry, and it'll prevent me from getting hurt in the future."

In 2011, there were 7,604 divorces and annulments in Singapore. Out of the civil divorces, 30 per cent were filled by couples who had been married for five to nine years.

In addition, undoing a bad marriage is pricey. An uncontested divorce with ancillary matters (settling issues about children, property and maintenance) could cost between $3,000 and $5,000, but a contested one could cost anywhere between $10,000 and $100,000, says divorce lawyer Carrie Gill, a partner at Harry Elias Partnership LLP.

"Trust in a marriage is crucial, but it has to be premised on something," she says. "In these times, when divorce and adultery are so common, it is naive to trust blindly. Many men and women have been burnt because of their blind faith in each other. Taking steps to protect yourself from a possible failed marriage is smart and realistic."

And what if he finds out he's being tailed?

"There is nothing wrong with checking out someone who turns out to be honest and faithful. If he is 'clean', what is there to be angry about?? Mr Jegan points out.

Even if your boyfriend is cool about it, there's no guarantee that a PI check will be your ticket to marital bliss.

"People these days want to have 100 per cent guarantee before they commit to anything. And that's troubling because life is unpredictable. No one can guarantee that you've married the 'right' person. You've got to make the relationship work and ensure you're the right person for him as well," says Chang-Goh Song Eng, head counsellor with Reach Counselling.

Instead of hiring a PI, which can be ery expensive. Song Eng recommends that couples go for premarital counselling or marriage preparation programmes.

These programmes, which usually consist of several sessions and cover issues like conflict management and communication, can cost between $90 and $490 per couple - a fraction of what you'd pay a PI.

 

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