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updated 18 Mar 2014, 22:25
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Tue, Feb 11, 2014
The Straits Times
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Choosing kids over work
by Jane Ng

After Jason was born in 2006, I shelved my plan to be a stay-at-home mum.

I was bored facing an infant all day and craved the mental stimulation that came with work.

After Shannon came along in 2009, I returned to work after almost a year's break.

And when we decided to stop employing a maid two years ago, I managed to continue working full time, writing for The Sunday Times, because I was allowed to work from home.

For a year, the arrangement was perfect. Both children were being cared for in the day - Jason in childcare and Shannon at my mother-in-law's - while I held on to a full-time job that allowed me to work flexible hours. I could schedule interviews and still ferry my kids about, cook and have dinner with them.

But things changed when Jason entered Primary 1 last year and was home with me in the mornings. We decided not to send him to a student care centre as I wanted to spend more time with him.

It became a challenge to arrange interviews in the morning as I had to make alternative childcare arrangements, then rush back to take him to school. Even replying e-mail became an uphill task with a naturally inquisitive and chatty seven- year-old by my side.

I have nudged him to the TV set more times than I care to admit. And help with his homework was always needed - just when I needed to make a call.

Still, with the leeway of a weekly rather than a daily deadline, it meant I could work later into the night to complete what I had to do. Those were on good days.

On occasions when one or both kids caught the flu bug and had to be home, all my carefully laid plans would get tossed out of the window.

I had thought there was nothing worse than having to work in the office the whole day while my child was unwell.

In fact, it is worse being at home with them and having to tell them, "I'm sorry mummy can't cuddle you/talk to you/help you right now because I have something to finish."

It did not matter that my husband was home to help out, because they wanted only mummy.

My heart told me my kids needed me more than my work did, but I could not bear to leave my job of 12 years. After all, I have an ideal work arrangement, a kind and understanding boss, colleagues whom I count as my friends and work I enjoy.

To give it all up just like that was easier said than done.

As I was mulling over the decision, I recalled a line in a column by Huffington Post writer Ann Brenoff.

She wrote: "I went into journalism to make a difference in the world. Turns out the greatest difference I've ever made or could ever make was raising my kids to be decent human beings."

While there is no guarantee my staying home will help raise children with values I would like them to have, I know I don't want to look back and think "what if". And so the decision was made.

As I count down to my last day at work in a week's time, I know I will miss meeting people from all walks of life and learning about them through interviews.

But I also know I became a better mum through my work, and learnt more about parenting and education than I could ever have.

I am thankful for the online friendships I have formed with several like-minded mums in the last three years since I started writing this column.

As we chatted about the ups and downs of being a parent, many have shared generous tips and given encouragement for maidless mums such as myself, while others have shared recipes for one-pot meals.

Knowing there are others in a similar situation helped, whether it was about sleep-training Shannon, getting the kids to do chores or about putting Jason in a neighbourhood school. And, deep down, I know quitting my job is as much for me as it is for the kids.

I am looking forward to spending time with them without feeling guilty that I should be spending time looking for new stories to do. I can't wait to while away afternoons with them, baking or reading, and working with them on crafts, rather than see them as a distraction from work.

Ironically, Jason asked me to reconsider my decision because my stopping work could mean dashing his hope of revisiting Disneyland because finances will be tight.

He celebrates his birthday next week and, hopefully, he and Shannon will see in the years to come that my being home with them is the best present I can give.


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