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Mon, Apr 20, 2009
The Straits Times
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Don't leave spouse hunt to fate
by Kwan Weng Kin, Japan Correspondent

'WOMEN, come on and go hunting!'

'Men, go and better yourselves.'

These two bits of in-your-face advice in a best-selling book - Kon-Katsu Jidai (Spouse Hunting Times) - about the difficulties of getting married these days continue to ring in the ears of many single Japanese who, deep down, want to get hitched but have made little effort to turn their dreams into reality.

In a nutshell, the book's two authors - sociologist Masahiro Yamada of Chuo University and journalist Toko Shirakawa - contend that finding a partner for life involves a lot of hard work, just like looking for one's first job after college.

Unlike in the good old days of 'omiai' (arranged marriages) and office 'romances', these days, one in four young Japanese will be single all his life if he merely sits back and leaves it to fate, they claim.

Borrowing from the popular buzzword shukatsu, which means job-hunting, Professor Yamada coined a new term, konkatsu, to encapsulate the notion of hunting for a mate.

Incidentally, the word is the shortened form of kekkon katsudo, literally 'marriage activity'.

And now the book, which first appeared in February last year, has provided the inspiration for not one, but two, new television dramas this month on the konkatsu theme.

One of the TV dramas is, in fact, simply called Konkatsu and stars 36-year-old Masahiro Nakai from the popular pop idol group SMAP.

Nakai plays a character who is forced into hurriedly looking for a bride after he lies about getting married when offered a job that requires him to have a spouse.

The other drama on the NHK public television network not only looks at the perils of finding a husband but also the complexities in divorcing one.

According to Prof Yamada, getting married was much simpler in the past.

People belonging to the generation of Emperor Akihito and Empress Michiko, who celebrated their 50th wedding anniversary on April 10, mostly got married through omiai.

These omiai could either have been arranged through a traditional matchmaker or through one's superior at work.

Bosses in those days felt socially responsible for helping their staff to settle down and they often did so by pairing off young male workers with eligible female clerks in the same office.

But in the late 1960s, the so-called 'love marriages', in which men and women meet and fall in love through informal parties or group activities, started to outnumber arranged marriages.

When the 1990s came around, another sea change was noted.

Japanese men and women not only became freer to interact with each other, but women in particular also became more selective about the kind of men they wanted to marry.

For women, it was no more a case of resigning from their jobs and becoming full-time housewives. More women now want a husband who will allow them to continue working and leading the kind of lifestyle that they were used to before marriage.

Furthermore, a couple can now go on dates without feeling that they have to get married eventually. This apparently has led to more people postponing marriage and making the mating game more complex than ever.

According to Japan's 2005 national census, 47 per cent of Japanese men in their early 30s were single, as were 32 per cent of Japanese women. In the 35-39 age group, 30 per cent of men were still unmarried, as were 18 per cent of Japanese women.

Studies have shown that about 90 per cent of singles want to settle down. Unfortunately, many people, especially the men, still think that getting married is just a matter of time and needs no extra effort on their part.

After the book which Prof Yamada co-authored went on sale last year, urging women to go 'hunting' for prospective husbands because it said men were mostly reluctant to make the move, Japan's largest matchmaking firm O-net noted a surge in inquiries from women about its services.

'In fact, we were aware that women had already known for several years that they had to be proactive in looking for a spouse. The book only convinced them that they were on the right track,' said O-net spokesman Toshiaki Kato.

Although the book also warns Japanese men that only a commitment to konkatsu can save them from an eventual life of solitude, men have been slower to react.

Believing that men need more help than women, O-net put together a booklet entitled How To Succeed At Konkatsu at the beginning of this year. The booklet aims to improve the communicating skills of its male clients.

'Women do not need the advice in the booklets,' said Mr Kato. 'They know those things from female lifestyle magazines.'

The slim booklet, small enough to fit in a coat pocket, is used as a text in seminars run by the company to prepare the men for their first dates.

Based on the pooled wisdom of the company's marriage advisers, it includes basic tips such as 'be a good listener', 'always smell fresh' and 'keep those nails clean and neatly trimmed'!

In contrast, past seminars basically taught participants social etiquette and how to present themselves visually.

Incidentally, konkatsu as defined by Prof Yamada is not limited to seeking out marriage services. It includes attendance at singles' parties where most, if not all, the participants have marriage in mind, and actively getting friends or relatives to introduce suitable candidates.

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