I AM 60 years old and my wife is a few years younger. Initially, our marriage was a happy one. Then, she changed and became cold towards me. In 2006, she told me that she was no longer interested in sex and we have not been intimate since. To her, we are too old for hugs, kisses and cuddles in bed.

Ironically though, I have found out that she had been sending very intimate text messages to another man. She uses loving words and meets him occasionally.

The shock of the betrayal was numbing and intense. I was devastated, hurt and deeply pained. There was a sense of despair, emptiness and anger in me that led to depression. The woman I had trusted and loved with all my heart and soul has been cheating on me.

I confronted her. Initially, she denied it but when I showed her the text messages, she said that she hadn’t meant to write what she had written. We had a big argument. As I loved her dearly, I tried to forget the incident and begged her not to contact him again.

Recently, I again discovered by chance that she was still in contact with him through the phone. I am now deeply depressed and have suicidal thoughts. I seldom talk and have resorted to drinking to overcome my unhappiness and sorrow.

I am thinking of confronting the man. Do you think that is the right thing to do? Does she have any more love for me?

Broken Heart

BEING depressed, getting drunk and wanting to kill yourself will not resolve your problem. If you suspect that your wife is having an affair, then you need to talk to her. Confronting the man is passing the buck as he is the third party in your marriage.

You and your wife are not young and must have gone through much together. If she has cooled off sexually, it is not abnormal. Many women going through menopause suffer physical and psychological problems. Hormonal imbalances could bring on depression, painful intercourse and emotional crisis. You could get your wife to seek medical advice and sex counselling to better understand the issues.

However, if she has fallen out of love with you, then you need to know how this has happened. You believed that you had a happy marriage. It is unusual for a happily married woman to stray especially when she is in her 50s, with low libido. If she has children, then it is even more unlikely that she would create a scandal that would bring shame and embarrassment to the family.

Do not be afraid to have it out with your wife. The messages, secrecy and deceit spell betrayal even if she is not having a sexual relationship with this guy. However, do not make conclusions or utter words that cut deep into the heart. Until you know the absolute truth or have proof, do not accuse unfairly. Perhaps she has reasons for her behaviour. Sometimes, we all need friendship or companionship outside a marriage.

Think of your marriage over the years. Have you been a good, caring, responsible husband and father, or have you been taking your wife for granted? Have you hurt her badly before or caused such pain and hurt that she feels the need for someone else’s care and understanding?

If you can answer truthfully that you have done nothing to deserve lies and betrayal, then fight for the truth and your marriage if you still love your wife. -The Star/ANN