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Sun, Jan 17, 2010
The Star/Asia News Network
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Can a man and woman be good friends without any romantic ties?

Q: MY boyfriend and I have been together for over five years and we’ve talked about marriage. We’re very close although we do argue and fight.

I’ve found out that he befriended a friend’s friend at a recent party and they’ve been in touch. There’s even a photo of them on the host’s website, with some flirtatious comments.

I feel upset and jealous. Can a man and a woman be good friends without any romantic ties? I know I should trust him but I have my doubts. He has some female friends and occasionally dines with them alone. I understand I can’t control who he goes out with, but I feel he doesn’t respect our relationship.

I spoke to him but he said it was nothing and accused me of being “controlling”. Am I insecure? I love him deeply.


A: DO not think marriage until you are able to accept a guy who enjoys time out with his female friends. If that tears you in half now, how do you expect the relationship to last?

Do not feel guilty because many of us will not trust our man out with his gal buddies. You love the fellow and fear losing him. Feeling suspicious and insecure is normal under the circumstances. But he feels that you are over-reacting and will not compromise his friends for you because he believes there is nothing wrong with having female friends.

Can you wait at home while he wines and dines his friends?

Some women can take this in stride because they have a life of their own too. Some couples find it easier to have separate lives because they want personal freedom.

But most of us find it hard to share love with others. If your man does not understand you, then perhaps he is not the guy for you.

Neither of you is right or wrong. You are two different people who cannot agree on a very important issue. So give yourself time and opportunity for other relationships.

Take a break from this one if you feel too much pain and pressure. Find a man who respects your needs and expectations. Love should not make you feel insecure, fearful and guilty all at the same time.


readers' comments
Aiyo! poor girl will be more confused by all these remarks.
Ya! guys like to say "it was nothing and accused me of being “controlling”" dont think they dare to admit any wrong doing.. who so stupid and ask for more trouble. But again, he is your man, you should be the best person to see thru his character and judge for yourself whether is he trustworthy or not. Before any rush action, take a step back and analysis the situation with a sensible mind.
Posted by DINOTAIL on Wed, 6 Jan 2010 at 18:36 PM
One day, it will happen. It is happening early in the West than in Asia.

Education, culture & exposure is the key.
Posted by amfreeaccess on Wed, 6 Jan 2010 at 18:28 PM
I will tell you that it depends on what stage of life both are in...In this case, it sounds more like the marrying age...20-40, my answer is NO! It may start out with both parties really believing in a purely platonic relationship, but when their personal relationships with their spouse or regular hits a bump...solace it what they wants and then all common sense and logic will go down the drain...
Posted by kooldog59 on Wed, 6 Jan 2010 at 18:14 PM
Now, there is nothing to report!
So, let us attract viewership with this kind of magnetic topic!
The smart ones go for each other with full responsibility without letting anyone knows about it.
The less smart ones try to show off that they are the ones that no one is able to emulate.
The lesser smart ones try to tell so that they attract attention.
The leasts smart ones show off and get some silly rewards that they regretted after it.
Posted by Superidiot on Wed, 6 Jan 2010 at 14:39 PM
There are a few reasons why people seek the company of one-another:

1. Fill emotional need
2. Satisfy physical desire
3. Mutual interest (common goals, hobbies)
4. Mutual benefits (business partherships, etc)

There is a high chance that interest #2 will be linked to interest #1 if the friendship is between 2 attractive (physical, status, wealth) people of the opposite sex.
Posted by 01010101 on Wed, 6 Jan 2010 at 12:20 PM
"Mountaingoat", one has to pay to seek advice or consultation from a fortune teller and geomancer. One gets free advice from a "love" guru. Either way, a person can listen and follow or turn a deaf ear.

If my partner wants to flirt and I also flirt, then, we might as well be "free as the birds", be playboy and playgirl. No need to have a steady partner.

You contradicted yourself, too. You said not to rely on the Love Guru but yet, suggested that you could be consulted because you were a "Love Guru champion". You are one confused "moutaingoat" who doesn't know how to deal with human beings, hence, your need to live closer to nature.
Posted by malinablu on Wed, 6 Jan 2010 at 12:20 PM
NO. NO. NO. because we are biologically made to sync with each other. dats why.
Posted by Eucalyptus on Wed, 6 Jan 2010 at 12:10 PM
It is normal for a man to have female friends and vice-versa with a woman, however, assuming that what you mentioned about them leaving flirtatious comments on the website of one of them is true, then, he was unfaithful to you. If it was nothing, he should have considered your feelings and insecurity and worked hard to convince you of his love for you.

It takes two hands to clap to make a relationship work. The 4 basic important things like love, trust, honour and happines must exist before both consider about marriage.

While there may be other women who are comfortable to allow their partner to have a dinner date with a female friend, my partner is thoughtful of my feelings to bring me along even if his friend is alone. One of his excuses is to make me know his friend better. .....
Posted by malinablu on Wed, 6 Jan 2010 at 12:09 PM
To: mountaingoat

"If your Man flirts around, you should do the same." This kind of remark is teaching the societies and people bad. Does it mean someone commit crimes, you should follow also? or Someone likes to drink, mean you got to fellow? Come one! Everyone needs a advise, I find nothing is bad from Love Guru's advise. It's is just a advise, we should listen and see whether we wanna listen to someone advise. Nothing to do with so called Fortune Teller.. You are talking different stories here.. Everyone needs a advise... So don't tell me you never seek advise or listen something of your comments from our parent or senior? Obviously, you are teaching this world bad.. Someone betray you, you got to learn and betray others.. What rubbish? Attend religious lessons or others, which can help you...
Posted by Kianching on Wed, 6 Jan 2010 at 11:45 AM
Those who are able to sustain a platonic relationship must be saints.
Posted by sure_win on Wed, 6 Jan 2010 at 11:41 AM

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