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Mon, Oct 18, 2010
Philippine Daily Inquirer/ANN
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My husband was fooling around - with a man
by Emily Marcelo


My husband and I have been married close to 45 years now. We got pregnant immediately and had three children, all born within a year of each other.

Everybody thought we had an ideal marriage. We're a good-looking couple (they say), our children are beautiful, and our parents on both sides who were friends in school are prominent in their own right.

We belong to this rarefied orbit of like-minded people who went to the same universities, work in the same corporate atmosphere, are members of the same select clubs that would meet on weekends for fun and games. Ideal, right?

Anyone looking at us from the outside would think so. They'd probably even give an arm or leg to take our place. Then again, probably not.

Despite our very comfortable and charmed life, I knew something was remiss. It was almost surreal, like driving down a road with no bumps at all. My husband and I never had any screaming matches, much less argued about anything. We were always affectionate toward each other. There was no question that when one is around, the other won't be far behind.

But I found myself becoming more and more alone. A wife develops that gut feeling-and discovered my husband was having an affair. Not with a woman, but with a man! This tall, attractive and successful corporate hound whose body and soul I thought I knew was leading a double life!

He didn't deny anything. We behaved like very civilized people and our confrontation was so devoid of emotion, it sounded like we were just planning a dinner party. No screaming matches. No histrionics.

He said I could do anything-even have affairs myself, if I wanted to. He just asked that we maintain a semblance of family and not do anything embarrassing. Neither he nor I moved out of the family home despite the turmoil.

After a few affairs and countless trips abroad for long periods of time to escape the scrutiny of friends, I finally accepted my fate and settled quietly back to our old marital routine. I couldn't stay away from him. I truly loved him, despite everything. He was a wonderful man, honest, generous and kind-and I couldn't begrudge him for the way he was.

We've remained the "ideal" couple everyone thinks we are. It's not so bad. -True Love


I don't know whether to applaud you and have you canonized, or just slap you outright for being a martyr.

But it is uplifting and sobering to read a letter that dripped with class and civility.

You did not seek to be a martyr. You just knew in your heart that you loved your husband, and went back after much soul-searching to take him for what he is, warts and all. You took your marriage vows seriously when you promised to hold and to cherish each other, in sickness and in pain, and all that jazz-till death!

And if you yourself played around, it was more as a balm to soothe your wounds, or sought a momentary lifeline to save you from drowning.

You will not win a Nobel Prize for coming around and embracing your fate. There will be no songs sang for your tenacity and resolve in staying on in this marriage. But the heavens, with all its magnanimity, will look kindly on you for not making judgments and accepting that your husband himself couldn't get away from the call of his own fate.

You were dealt lemons in the area of love, but you were given so much more in other ways. In hindsight, you'd probably choose love over wealth. It was possibly in your most agonizing moments that you understood-you really can't have it all.

And in seeing the total perspective clearly, you found your strength.

readers' comments
I am waiting for the day when DIVA publish an article..."My husband was fooling around - with an alien from outerspace"
Posted by johnnykwek on Wed, 27 Oct 2010 at 12:31 PM
edison chen father also like that ..
Posted by jameslee58 on Wed, 27 Oct 2010 at 11:15 AM
Congrats in finding out the truth and having the strength to live with it out of love and respect for your marriage. At least you are now not living in denial and has accepted it and comes to term with your husband's double life. There are many wives who will never be able to find out the truth of their husbands' double life in their lifetime as they believe that they are living in bliss and believing that they are lucky to have wonderful husband. You have my admiration for having the strength to accept this harsh reality.
Posted by audricum on Wed, 27 Oct 2010 at 11:05 AM

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