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Diva
updated 12 May 2012, 01:21
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Fri, Jan 21, 2011
Diva
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Waited 10 years to marry husband, but he cheated on her

Her husband had substantial credit card debts, was non-committal to their relationship and in the end, even had an extramarital affair. Yet, a 38-year-old woman was so infatuated with him, she patiently waited 10 years to marry him.

A report in Shin Min Daily news described the woman as a well-paid 38-year-old white-collar worker, known as Madam Soo. But when it came to matters of the heart, Madam Soo was willing to settle for a man who owed credit card companies at least $100,000 and made her wait 10 long years before deciding to marry her. The couple had met when they were both students in university.

She told the Chinese daily: "He had a habit of using his credit cards, and chalked up debts totalling $100,000. Although he never explained how those debts came about, I chose to

accept him, and decided to marry him. After going through ROM, we never held a customary wedding, nor had a honeymoon. But I accepted it."

Her 40-year-old husband was often away from Singapore for work, and would leave her alone for long periods of time in Singapore. Even then, she quietly soldiered on, taking on the

bulk of their household expenses, including utilities and maintenance of their 5-room flat. She even took on the responsiblity of paying off their home loan after he stopped chipping in

after a year.

She explained: "He promised he would work very hard until he was 50, after which, he would settle down and stay by my side. So, even when he was only with me for three months in 

a year, I kept believing in his promise. We stayed in touch mainly through phone calls and emails."

Her love for him ran so deep that she also willingly gave his parents' an allowance when he used up a sum of money that was left to him and his mother from a deceased elder sister.

She said that her husband had used the money to repay his credit card debts, leaving nothing for his mother.

Despite having given so much, her husband told her one day about his extramarital affair. Madam Soo immediately flew to Guangzhou, China, where her husband was then based, to try and save their marriage.

While there, she discovered that his mistress was already seven months pregnant. But Madam Soo wanted so much to save her marriage that she even agreed to let him continue his affair with his mistress.

Husband wants divorce on Valentine's Day

Madam Soo told Shin Min that her husband had thought she was having an affair with another man, but later on, came clean and told her that he had a mistress.

She said: "He was a sweet-talker and would always send me flowers on important occasions such as my birthday and our wedding anniversary when he was overseas. But during Valentine's Day last year, he told me he wanted a divorce because his mistress was pregnant."

It was only when Madam Soo then threatened to kill herself that her husband acceded to her requests to leave his mistress and return to her side.

However, her husband did not go through with his promise and even told her that he would provide her with $2,000 in monthly maintenance when she went to Guangzhou to look for him. She added: "That was how he got me to agree to let him keep his mistress."

When he lost his job later, he reneged on his promise to provide for her. By then, Madam Soo decided to give up her marriage.

More stories:

Love hurts
Husband forgives wife who has lover's baby
The cost of a divorce in Singapore
Six tips on maintaining a healthy marriage
Reasons couples cite for getting a divorce
Why some divorced women suffer

readers' comments
I just want to grab hold of the woman and shake her so hard ! I feel so sorry for her, she's wasted 10 years of her life for a loser !
Posted by heavenlyangel on Tue, 1 Feb 2011 at 22:48 PM
They say "LOVE IS BLIND !"; that's WHY ?, No amount of Advice or Counselling be able to truly understand the Feelings, the Agony and the Sacrifices need to put forth.
Too BAD ! She got on to a "小白脸" -- That could be her predestined "LOVE FATE" LIFE !- Like some are borned 'LUCKY' while others are not ! There's no 'two-some' in Life.
Posted by yfk51 on Mon, 24 Jan 2011 at 21:41 PM
This man did not truly love her, full stop !

The role of a married man is 2 fold :
1) Provider &
2) Protector

He is neither. He accumulates debts of surmountable amount, does not clear it up. Has a mistress even after his wife had been patient & loving towards him.

This man is NOT FIT to be a husband nor head of the house. He should get his head sorted out. Signs of an emotionally unavailable man with narcissistic tendercies.

Irresponsible men & men with debts should signal a RED FLAG. And men who wait long long to marry you is RED FLAG too.

I think she is codependant, that's why she was sucked into such a relationship with a man who does not really give a darn .....
Posted by Tsunamiw4ve on Mon, 24 Jan 2011 at 20:09 PM
When there are so few available men and so many single women, most will just settle for less. In PRC, there are so many single men, so few available women, PRC women should stay for their own country men. But what to do, money does play the trick. Move on, but women are just so emotionally bound in a relationship. Men are not. I think a strong support group need to be formed to look into cases like this.
Posted by Kasseedorf on Mon, 24 Jan 2011 at 20:01 PM
This woman is totally nuts. Or maybe if one believes, it is her fate, she probably owed him in her previous life. It sounds like she's a smart woman who had high education and earn more than average.

So, why would a woman like her be so "stupid" when come to relationship? We've heard/seen many cases like such... what can we say except, fate.
Posted by IndignantFemale on Mon, 24 Jan 2011 at 14:59 PM


yes its possible, even now there are women still allowing their husbands to keep the mistress while in a marriage. my colleague for an instance, is doing that. allowing her husband to stay with the mistress in another country and she in Singapore with the kids. daily just waiting for that one call or sms from him. its difficult to talk to them. courage only come from themselves when they wanna get out.
Posted by mystrawberry on Mon, 24 Jan 2011 at 14:47 PM
It took her more than 10 years to finally open her eyes. Even with our conscience to guide us, it certainly takes time and will power to make the right decision to pull away but to be married to a piece of **** and accept his many excuses, including having a mistress, what an idiot! His ridiculous excuse that he has a mistress because of his suspicion of his wife having an affair is adding insult to her injury. How can she have an affair when she's madly in love with her useless husband and still be with him?
Posted by malinablu on Mon, 24 Jan 2011 at 14:35 PM
its fated. just move on. no point looking back and feel sorry for yourself.
Posted by mystrawberry on Mon, 24 Jan 2011 at 14:31 PM
Affairs of the heart can blind folks into states of numbness & dumbness.
Posted by chieftain on Mon, 24 Jan 2011 at 09:37 AM

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