updated 6 Jul 2011, 11:39
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Wed, Jul 06, 2011
The Star/ANN
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Daughter going out with a married man

I AM a 53-year-old single mother. My only daughter is 26 and working in the private sector. Three years ago, she met A, who is married with three kids.

Although my daughter knew that he is married, she still went with him. They hang out at expensive restaurants daily and the theatre. I think they are having an affair.

This guy is trying to control my daughter. Wherever she goes, he will follow. Each time I tell her that he is not a good person, she gets angry with me. She also spends too much money on him.

I do not have any idea whether A's wife knows about this. He is jobless; only his wife is working. My daughter always comes home late at night. I don't know what to do.

Sad Mum

SORRY but there is nothing much you can do for your daughter at this moment. She is too much in love and too besotted to listen to your advice. The more you nag and complain about A, the more she will hide from you.

It is so difficult trying to guide our children against such obvious pitfalls. They always think they know better and that we are prejudiced, without cause or reason. Until they get hurt, they will not learn.

Your child probably believes that A loves her and will marry her eventually. His possessiveness means intense love to your daughter. She wants to believe that A is the man who loves her too much to leave her.

Try to be understanding and patient. It is better to be able to share your daughter's thoughts and feelings than have her shut you out. You can show love and support so that she is aware she can always come home to you when she faces hurt, pain and disappointment.

When that time comes, never harp on her mistakes or folly. Teach her to pick herself up, brush away the tears and move on.

As mothers, we will always worry about our children. But we cannot prevent hurt and harm in their lives. So we pray, we forgive and love unconditionally. Your child will love you for always being there for her, regardless.

-The Star/Asia News Network

readers' comments

Wah! Okay, my friend's version was to pray that his daughter will not lose her virginity before 14 :p
Posted by mystrawberry on Tue, 31 May 2011 at 14:26 PM
I've always inculcate in my girls - the value of being PRUDENT and not ruin the families of married men.
Posted by JUSTSPOREAN on Tue, 31 May 2011 at 13:34 PM
Well the other extreme is to hire a PI to get the details of the wife and tip her off anonymously. That will settle things faster.
Posted by 0517elias on Tue, 31 May 2011 at 13:05 PM
Oh NO. This is my biggest nightmare - and I've been praying since my 1st daughter was born. Then I had another daughter and my prayers got more intense.
I've been teaching them since young - that they must keep any married men at 3-arms' length or 'imaginary 6' poles' ;-)
Posted by JUSTSPOREAN on Mon, 30 May 2011 at 10:31 AM
Ask your daughter, is she willing to spend special days such as Valentine Day, Christmas Days or even his birthday, without him? Will she be able to bear if he can never be there for her 24/7 because priority is with his family first? Likewise if he could just dump everything just so he can spend time with her, that goes to show how irresponsible he is. Will she be willing to spend the rest of her life with such a man?

You can't really change her opinions at this point of time but once the novelty wears off. Your daughter will go through much tears and pain agonizing on her decision to leave him. Just be there for her. Most importantly do not make it into a right or wrong issue for her to see. The true is in love there is no right or .....
Posted by SaTanTan on Mon, 30 May 2011 at 10:28 AM

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