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Wed, Oct 12, 2011
Philippine Daily Inquirer/ANN
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How to date a single mom
by Erica Paredes

Single mothers, especially those who had their child young, like I did, often worry about what kind of man could possibly fit into their little two-person family.

We worry a lot about different things, from whether or not our future husband will fully accept our child as his own, to in-law issues and even how to go about disciplining and raising your child with a partner when you have already done it for so long on your own.

Most couples have long discussions about these things before the child actually comes, but we don't have that option.

Two roles

My daughter is now 7 years old, and I have had a couple of relationships since I had her, but none until the one I am currently in seemed to be the perfect fit. It always felt as if I was playing two roles that were mutually exclusive-mother and girlfriend.

The thing about dating a single mother is that instantly, she is not just a girlfriend, and you will probably never be first priority over her child. At the same time, though, she is also very capable of having a real, adult and long-term relationship that could last a lifetime. Here are a few tips on dating a single mom:

Accept her child - Nothing will get you booted out faster than ignoring her child, being mean to him or her, or pretending he or she doesn't not exist. They will always be there, because we are a package deal, which you either need to take as a whole or leave completely. It's hard enough for us to have to raise a kid on our own, but having to raise a boyfriend until he matures, too? Forget it!

Be understanding - There will be times when we will ignore your texts or calls or not be able to see you for days because we needs to attend to our child's school or sickness, or maybe even just want to spend quality time with him or her. Again, don't act like our second child and start throwing tantrums when you aren't number one.

Be an adult - We can't go on spontaneous trips to the beach at 4 a.m., or go on a drug binge just because "it seems like fun" at the moment. Half the time, we will want to bring our child on trips out of town to spend time with them, and because we want you to spend time with them, too. This is not to say we can't ever be fun; it just means we know our boundaries and we can't go overboard anymore because we have a little one to think about now.

Ask how he or she is doing - Sometimes something as seemingly small as this can really make our day better, specially if we are having a bad one. Ask us how we're doing, if we need help with anything, or even just wash the dishes without us asking and give us an unexpected treat like a pint of ice cream and a hug when you come visit.

Make an effort - If you are serious about us, make an effort to spend time and get to know the child that you might very well be calling your own someday. Watch DVDs with them, help them with their homework once in a while, or play games with them. It's not just us moms whose trust you need to earn, you know!

Communicate - Talk to us. Be open about the issues you foresee in the future, about what scares you and what you worry about. We know how anxious you probably are, and it's okay if you let us know. We will be thankful for your honesty and the not-so-easy path we have to take will be so much easier if we are constantly communicating.

If the woman you like has a child, don't be afraid to date her, but know that there will be adjustments to be made and more patience required. On the flipside, great rewards await you, as well. Good luck!

readers' comments


Lao sai still have to work you know. If not, where got 1meal/day?
Posted by baoxingtian on Thu, 13 Oct 2011 at 18:46 PM


haha like weeds. grow and grow everywhere.
PRCs will weed us out too
Posted by Beep1234 on Thu, 13 Oct 2011 at 14:14 PM


but why you so pro-papies? :confused:

no doubt they WERE good, now, they are just a bunch of politicians living on pedestals, they don't listen and care about the locals no more. I know there are still good ones around, but lousy ones are growing in numbers....

you have to strike a balance, too don't u think?
Posted by A_Commoner on Thu, 13 Oct 2011 at 14:11 PM


there is no need to be mindful of you... u are a complete old idiotic fool

i just like to whack u old folks :rolleyes:
Posted by tmfoo888 on Thu, 13 Oct 2011 at 12:57 PM


I hit them very hard. It is not so simple as they being oppies and I being pro-the best party.

I also exposed their lies where they one, falsified statistics, and two, manufactured false anecdotes about so and so got a grandmother with this and that problem.

Not one of them dare to challenge me again in a debate on the topic, any topic. They all resorted to names calling.
Posted by smickno on Thu, 13 Oct 2011 at 12:09 PM


then you have to see again properly! :D

don't think so lah, just being an opposition supporter does not mean will hate you lah. they hate you becos you are a pain in the a.ss, duh....i mean neck. :D
Posted by A_Commoner on Thu, 13 Oct 2011 at 12:01 PM


I agree fully with you. He has no manners. Very ill bred type.
Posted by smickno on Thu, 13 Oct 2011 at 11:59 AM


I looked at your avatar again, with a magnifying glass this time. It is so true. You did not lie and this is what I like about you. You have two forelegs and one hind leg, and have mastered the art of standing on one leg.

PS: I am a lovable and adorable person. Why else do you think people say I have a heart that is as big as the ocean? People hate me because they are oppies. laugh lust hated me for more than a year,, same for porndog and Jewnami. A1 is infltrated with oppies, and I am sure you can see this for yourself by now.
Posted by smickno on Thu, 13 Oct 2011 at 11:57 AM


hahaha........ no manners! :mad: :D
Posted by A_Commoner on Thu, 13 Oct 2011 at 11:06 AM


That is his long leg... :)
Posted by tmfoo888 on Thu, 13 Oct 2011 at 10:55 AM

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