updated 30 Apr 2012, 16:40
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Mon, Apr 30, 2012
Philippine Daily Inquirer/Asia News Network
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Are you better off without him?
by Lia Bernardo


Always remember that although happiness comes from within, when you are exposed to people who make you unhappy for whatever reason, you will be unhappy at that moment.

It does not remove your core happiness, but it certainly shakes it.

Relationships are probably the most difficult aspect of our lives, simply because they go into the core of our emotional being.

However, when you are with a person who seems to drain you, something's wrong.

When someone values you, they uplift you; they do not put you down. When someone honors you, they respect you.

When you are with a lover, friend, co-worker or anyone who invalidates you as a person, it is time to let go-even if you are married to that person.

Sounds drastic, but it's true. If you are not cherished by a friend or lover, that person no longer serves your higher purpose. This is, of course, after you have exhausted all measures to save the relationship.

However, if after countless tries the relationship does not get better, you are better off alone in your core happiness. This is one very hard lesson I have learned just recently.

No matter how you feel whole as a person, if someone very close to you does not make room for you in his or her life, you are not valued by that person.

That creates unhappiness. When someone does not see your worth and simply sees your faults, no matter how happy you are within, you will feel degraded.

If someone cherishes you, you will know, and he/she will go out of his/her way to show you. There's no need to demand for their time, because it will be given you.

Emotionally damaging

This is a hard lesson to learn and even more difficult to accept, because if you love and treasure someone and it is not reciprocated, it can be very emotionally damaging.

And the most difficult thing in the world to do is to let go of someone you care about.

But remember, self-love is not self-flagellation, nor is it martydom. Self-love is honoring yourself above all, and if you are not honored in return you are definitely with the wrong person.

You end up demanding their time and attention, and in the end feel bad about yourself for doing so because it is simply not who you are.

So ask yourself, is being with this person making me a better person? Am I growing and flourishing as a person by being with him or her? Or am I losing who I am in the process of trying to keep the relationship intact?

Only you can honestly answer these. And finally, ask yourself, is being with the person leading me toward the person I ultimately want to become? The answers will be as clear as day. The challenge is to actually see it through.

But remember, if you are in the wrong company, you are simply not loving yourself, and you are giving yourself to someone who does not deserve you.

The objective is to be whole and happy within yourself and not allow anyone to destroy or diminish it.

It is definitely easier said than done, and a long period of discernment is necessary. But in the end, your self-worth should come above all.

And finally, know that those who truly love you will never abandon you. They will always keep their word and will never be dishonest with you, and those are the people you should invest time and effort in. Those are the people who deserve your love.

Year 2012 is the mission year. This means that anyone who decides to find and fulfill his life's mission will do so this year. So start by loving yourself in a spiritual sense first and foremost, and everything else will follow.

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