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Tue, Jan 13, 2009
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Women have trophy husbands too

When some young and successful women choose to settle down nowadays, it is not because they have fallen in love.

These women, mostly in their late 20s and early 30s, grew up privileged and are determined to marry well to keep their lifestyles that way. Hence, their marriages are usually a convenient status-consolidating arrangement, with their trophy husbands dangling off their arms much like the latest It bag.

Evelyn, a woman in such an arrangement, said: "We benefit each other, in terms of finances. With our combined incomes, we could comfortably afford many luxuries we couldn't otherwise have as singles."

The 30-year-old bank executive is a local university graduate with a pedigree girls' school background. A year ago, she married an equally high-flying lawyer in the wedding of her dreams with a 60-table banquet, a designer gown, a new Mercedes-Benz and a newly renovated River Valley apartment. When she met him through a mutual friend four years ago, Evelyn knew she was the trophy husband she had been looking for.

She said: "He was the right candidate – Oxbridge-educated, well-spoken, career-driven and not bad-looking. Someone I could take to school reunions and put up with."

But don't dare suggest women like Evelyn are no different from the traditional gold-digging status-seekers. She defended her lifestyle to Her World: "We have our own money, professional experience and looks. If our men ever leave us, we wouldn't be penniless and helpless. It's just that with marriage, it makes both parties better off."

The men are not clueless husbands being unknowingly taken advantage of either. They belong to a new generation of men who want wives who are equal to them in intellect, ambition and possibly even earning power, and not just pretty but witless.

Is it possible to be happy in a marriage without love? "I'm not in love with him, but I'm in love with the idea of him. I'm not sure if he truly loves me, but I know that he loves the type of woman I represent," she said

Despite the fact that Evelyn's husband says he did not marry her because she was a former model, he never fails to mention her glamour girl past when he introduces her to his friends. She mused: "We're more like friends living together."

Evelyn seems amused when asked about her sex life. She cannot remember the last time she and her husband had sex. She is not keen, and she believes her husband does not care much for it either, with his stressful job and constant late nights.

As for fidelity in her marriage, Evelyn said: "I won't put it past him to cheat – and I won't be surprised either. Maybe I'll just keep one eye closed. Maybe I could have a lover, too."

Girls like Evelyn feel that they would rather marry young and be satisfied with a less-than-perfect marriage instead of ending up old and lonely. Suceess and status are also more important to them than finicky ideas about love.

At the end of the day, it would be wrong to assume that Evelyn is unhappily married. She said: "As long as the bills are taken care of, and I get to buy my branded bags every month and meet my girlfriends for lots of shopping and fine dining, I'm happy."

For the full story, grab a copy of January's Her World at all newsstands today.

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