updated 3 May 2012, 15:12
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Sun, Mar 11, 2012
The Star/Asia News Network
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Masking his feelings

I HAVE been married for over 15 years. I'm in my mid-40s and my wife is a few years younger. Our four children are still in school.

My problem is my relationship with my wife. We've been arguing throughout our marriage - on average, every two weeks. As usual, the man always loses, no matter who is right or wrong.

The point is, we are incompatible. I have totally lost interest in her - there is no sense of love anymore when we are in bed. But my wife still believes that I'm in love with her.

Honestly, I'm wearing a "mask" to hide my true feelings towards her, to avoid hurting her feelings. (She does shift work but holds a high position.)

I consulted three mediums about my marriage; they all say we are not compatible in terms of astrology.

Women my wife's age normally need a man around them for companionship and security.

I feel guilty about wanting to leave her, or asking for a separation, although we can take turns to take care of the kids.

But with age catching up, I feel that I'm losing myself.

I cannot do the things I like or go out with my friends. Honestly I cannot stand being with my wife for another 15 years or more. What should I do?

Incompatible couple

You seem ready to throw in the towel and end your marriage. Before you decide this, though, there are a few things you may want to consider.

First, it is quite common for husbands and wives to quarrel. It is not about who wins or loses, but learning to understand one another.

It is also about making amends - apologising, and trying to make right what was wrong. Saying sorry does not mean admitting to a mistake.

It also does not mean losing an argument. This is something both parties in an argument must learn to do.

Could it be that both of you have changed over the last few years, and you do not "know" each other anymore?

Change is inevitable, and it is likely that both of you have gone through a considerable amount of it in the last 15 years.

You may need to reacquaint yourselves with each other.

The nature of love you have for each other itself may have changed over time and if you are trying to find the love that you had all those years ago, you're not going to find it.

That brings us to your expectations - of her, the marriage and yourself.

Even this would have changed over time and you have to figure out what you want now, and in the future.

Both of you would also need to come together to decide what you expect from each other and try to reconcile that.

Lastly, the two of you need to communicate clearly your wants and needs.

Communicating is more than just telling the other person what you want. It involves understanding each other and trying to see how each of you can work towards reaching the goal.

From what you have described, it is clear that effective communication is lacking in your relationship. You may want to address that with your wife.

A marriage counsellor could be useful if you want to see if you can fix the relationship. Otherwise, you should consult a lawyer.

While it is not wrong to seek the assistance of mediums, it does not mean that you have to live exactly by their words.

Human relationships are complex and require a lot of work.

Mediums alone are not going to be an assurance of happiness or a smooth life.

It will be good to remember that their words are not set in stone and do not have to determine your destiny.

readers' comments

got back-ache, cannot "GO DOWN"
How about I laid down first???

Let them "COME DOWN" on me lah.
Posted by streetsmartfighter on Wed, 4 Apr 2012 at 04:18 AM

ok ok. next time got real one in my taxi, i call u come down ok? :p
Posted by sghunk888 on Wed, 4 Apr 2012 at 04:14 AM

Did you mean the one in "RED" is you???


Hello Bro, I want the real life charbor leh.
Not pix lah.

Btw, I am the type of person who hate looking or keeping this kind of pix leh.

Try not to show it to me.

No feeling & effect lah.
"UNDER cannot STAND"leh

Posted by streetsmartfighter on Wed, 4 Apr 2012 at 03:41 AM

that was real, these are fakes :
Posted by sghunk888 on Wed, 4 Apr 2012 at 02:07 AM

Hi Bro,

Thk for those charbors pix.
I prefer the real stuff leh.
Posted by streetsmartfighter on Wed, 4 Apr 2012 at 01:33 AM

too late lah, after shooting, she left already lah. :D

how bout this one?
Posted by sghunk888 on Tue, 3 Apr 2012 at 01:27 AM

Hi bro!

This one is ok.
Should be a good wife.

But, I prefer to draw gun with the other one leh.

Posted by streetsmartfighter on Tue, 3 Apr 2012 at 01:14 AM

bro, must show your what ur urge should be on, hope u like her. : :D
Posted by sghunk888 on Mon, 2 Apr 2012 at 03:07 AM

Shake hand will do lah.

I am afraid of close contact leh.

Can get that urge you always saying leh.

Posted by streetsmartfighter on Mon, 2 Apr 2012 at 02:46 AM

wow thanks, god bless u too.

maybe next time i see u, i kiss your skull ok, instead of breaking. :p
Posted by sghunk888 on Mon, 2 Apr 2012 at 02:32 AM

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