BY ANY measure, Sam (not his real name) is not husband material. The drug addiction, criminal record, propensity for violence and HIV virus takes care of that.

Most women would give him a wide berth but not 37-year-old administrative assistant Joanne (not her real name).

'I love him,' she says simply.

They have been together for 11 years, the last four as man and wife. It has been an eventful relationship: Sam has been thrown in the slammer twice for drug abuse and has assaulted her a few times as well.

But despite all that, Joanne says Sam - who contracted the HIV virus through unprotected sex with multiple partners more than 15 years ago - has stayed clean for more than two years.

And while they still have their tiffs, Sam, a former bouncer, has not been violent for a few years now.

'He does that only when he's high on that stuff. I've told him I would walk out on him if he ever did it again,' says Joanne, adding that she once reported him to the police for violence.

Vivacious with lively eyes and long curly locks, she met Sam through his sister, who used to be her colleague.

'I knew he was HIV-positive and that he was serving time for drugs,' she says. Her two siblings, however, do not know about Sam's condition. Her parents are dead.

One day in 1998, she tagged along with his sister to visit Sam at the drug rehabilitation centre. He was in poor health, suffering several fainting spells. Joanne was concerned and began visiting every day.

'I just felt sorry for him and wanted to keep him company,' she says.

They kept up their friendship when he was released several months later and one day, while walking her from his sister's home to the train station, Sam told her: 'I love you.'

'I was shocked,' Joanne says.

Although she knows the odds are stacked against her, she decided to give the relationship a go: 'Maybe it's fated to be this way.'

The courtship was tempestuous, marked by explosive quarrels over his drug use and his possessive nature.

Many a time, she had thought of walking out.

'But love binds, I guess,' says Joanne, who married him in 2005.

'If I were not there for him, he will have no one,' she says, adding that her tough-guy husband actually has a romantic streak.

She recalls how he used to cycle her from her home to the MRT station every day, and how he once surprised her with a birthday cake at her office.

'He is from a broken family. His father died when he was seven, and he had no mother's love.'

The second of five children, Sam grew up in Sembawang and admits to a reckless and drug-fuelled past.

'I grew up in an environment full of gangsters and drug addicts. I started smoking cannabis when I was 18, and got hooked on heroin at 25,' says the Secondary 1 drop-out.

He worked for several years as a technician in the shipping industry before becoming a bouncer at a Geylang nightspot.

Sam, who's lean and has deep set eyes, readily admits he was promiscuous but when he found he had contracted the HIV virus at 25, he says he 'became totally lost'.

He got even deeper into drugs.

'Drugs made me sleep, it didn't make me think of death,' says Sam.

He knows Joanne has gone through a lot for him and has tried to change. Although he gave up heroin, he continued smoking cannabis, which got him arrested and jailed twice.

'But I have a wife now, I have to be responsible,' he says, adding that being drug-free for two years makes him feel good. He now takes his HIV medication regularly to keep the virus at bay.

Sam, who does odd jobs, admits he can be a green-eyed monster. He also has fixed notions of what a traditional wife should be.

'I'm grateful for all that she has done for me and I'm very committed to her but I just don't like her being friendly to other men,' he says, trying to justify his aggression towards his wife in the past.

Pressed to rate her as a wife on a scale of one to 10, he grudgingly says: '10.'

It brings a big beam to Joanne's face.

Half an hour after this interview, she sends an SMS to The Straits Times with a Valentine's Day wish for her husband.

She wants him to know this: 'Despite all our problems, I still love you with all my heart, soul and body.'

This article was first published in The Straits Times.