IT HAS been over a week since the Chinese New Year closed and we are settling for real into 2009.
Still, I find myself reflecting on lessons I’ve learnt in the past 12 months, which ere extremely eventful, to say the least.
Being pregnant for the first time then was not exactly fun, for example. Not when D, my husband who happens to be 11 years my junior, was then serving full-time national service.
For the greater part of 39 weeks, I found myself waddling around the house freaking out over unwashed baby clothes and the lack of space for the cot, assinet and various baby-rocker contraptions lying around the house.
But for the few hours of the day that he was around, I found comfort and respite in his ever-present care and steady support, from ritually administered night massages to his help in doing the laundry and most of the housekeeping.
Since I started writing this column, there have been many assumptions made and questions raised about why I am with someone so much younger.
I have to say that being able to learn from him is one of the best reasons – and age doesn’t factor into that at all.
I have always been proud of my outspoken self and extroverted, go-getter approach to life. Seize the day, speak your mind and stand up for your rights, I’ve always thought.
D, on the other hand, chooses to proceed more cautiously, always analysing consequences and considering alternatives.
Although I found it a frustrating attitude to put up with initially, there came a time when I began to value his way of being far more than mine. Like the time he brought up the subject of choosing godparents for our son back when I was 37 weeks pregnant. I got all excited and started throwing out names of our closest friends.
“Maybe K and A? But they are always fighting. Or would you rather W and M? Or maybe your best friend A and my best friend S, that would be cute,” I said.
D looked up from his comic book and grimaced. But then he came up with an answer that showed a lot more depth than my suggestions.
He said: “I think we should ask your cousins, T and Y. They are childless and have always wanted a baby to love. They are
in good financial health, they care about us and they are family.
“If anything were to really happen to us, they would take good care of him.”
I was humbled by his sensibility.
And I was annoyed at myself for not thinking of T and Y in the first place. There have been other times when D’s patience and quiet persistence have stood in contrast to my emotional and often-dramatic approach to things, especially with regard to the baby and our future as a family.
Our opposite qualities have stood us in good stead: He says I inspire him to take risks, to act quickly and to run with his passions. From him, I am learning tolerance, acceptance and a willingness to allow myself to take a back seat sometimes and to be led for a change. I’m learning to look at the big picture instead of sweating the small details.
In an age where opposites attract but marital conflicts often end up in divorce, I cherish being in a safe space where I am free to be myself. Yet I am constantly inspired to change my habits because of whom I love.
D and I are not perfect together.
But who is? And because of each other, D and I are committed to keep on learning this new year and every year that comes after.
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Ana Ow is a public-relations executive and a freelance writer.
