A FRIEND recently joined a Facebook group named 'I have an ex-boyfriend who makes me want to vomit'.

The group's description says it all.

It confirms the Chinese adage, nan ren bu huai, nu ren bu ai, which loosely translates into 'if the boy isn't bad, the girls won't like him'.

In one corner, meet Exhibit A - my friend, an overseas-educated civil servant and former national sportsman with a great sense of humour. He also happens to be a perfectly decent gentleman.

Yet he is single and available, and has been for some time.

In the other corner, a couple of my female friends: Exhibit B - overseas-educated lawyer, devoted and caring girlfriend; and Exhibit C - financially independent, attractive and intelligent university graduate.

Both have long-term boyfriends who have, among other misdemeanours, cheated - and are still cheating - on them.

Yes, you guessed it: Both still want to marry these guys.

While reading recent reports on spousal abuse and infidelity, I cannot help but wonder if the decisions of Exhibits B and C, should they proceed with marriage, will end in tears.

Each time I query these friends on their tolerance of their partners' infractions, the answers I get are invariably this: 'But I love him and I believe he will change for me.'

So why do guys like Exhibit A, who deserve someone to love and to be loved in return, pale as choices compared to the cads who are boyfriends of Exhibits B and C?

I do not think I am alone in thinking this way. Although it is not my place to query matters of the heart, I cannot help but wonder if Cupid really is blind, random and, if I may add, unmeritocratic when shooting his arrows.

An explanation came in an article I chanced upon online, An Ode To The Nice Guys. It was penned by a student at the University of Pennsylvania, about how nice guys are consistently written off.

Exhibit A falls squarely into the category of males hailed in the ode: The ones who finish last, who play by the rules in a game that favours cheats, and thus never become more than friends with the girls.

And the reason why they take so long to be discovered? As the ode put it: 'Getting together would ruin the friendship.'

I guess that's the obstacle, and it's a real one. But my question is, would you rather have an extremely spicy exotic dish guaranteed to give you a stomach-ache, or a simple and pleasant meal of staple food?

I suspect the answers will still be split. But why work yourself into a vomiting fit? Give the nice guys a chance. After all, romance is arguably the deepest form of friendship.

The writer, 26, is working as a lawyer in London. He is a nice guy.

This article was first published in The Straits Times.