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Tue, Mar 10, 2009
The Sunday Times
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Who are you calling auntie?
by Jasmine Teo

Among Singaporeans, calling someone ''auntie'' may be considered as showing respect for the person, but what if you are in your 30s and someone addresses you as ''auntie''?

This is the situation that faces 38-year-old financial controller Emily Chan, who says service staff have called her 'auntie'' on more occasions that she cares to count.

It is especially galling, she says, when the person who calls her 'auntie'' is obviously older than her.

'When I can tell that they are about the same age as me or older, I'm not happy. I won't patronise their stores again.''

Whether you blame it on slapstick images from TV soap operas or Jack Neo's heartlander movies, being called 'auntie' or 'uncle' is no laughing matter.

The word 'auntie'' conjures up an image of a nagging old woman with a bad perm while 'uncle'' is more likely to be a fuddy-duddy balding old man in a singlet and shorts hanging out at the void deck.

The issue reared its unhip head recently in a letter to The Straits Times forum page by reader Ace Matthews.

The 53-year-old, who is in the investments line, wrote in on Wednesday to say that 'the peculiar habit' of addressing people as 'auntie' or 'uncle' makes no sense, particularly if the person addressing you is older than you.

Mr Matthews, a Singaporean of Eurasian descent, wrote in his letter: 'Those in their 40s and above are addressed as aunties and uncles by vendors and service personnel.'

He told LifeStyle he was first called uncle when he was in his early 40s. 'I've been called 'uncle' by hawkers who are much older than me. That's absurd,' he said.

This Asian lingo is also leaving some foreigners puzzled.

Mr Matthieu Liefooghe, a French expatriate who has lived here for three years and is engaged to a Singaporean, said: 'I thought it strange that Singaporeans were calling strangers 'uncle' and 'auntie'. The French word for auntie is a slang for old prostitute in certain parts of France.'

The 24-year-old quality manager does not address his fiancee's parents as 'uncle' and 'auntie' but calls them 'sir' and 'madam' instead.

Among Singapore's younger crowd, the notion of being referred to as an elder has them seeing red.

Take Ms Lee Shuping, 25, who was first called 'auntie' when she was just 23. It happened when she was working as service staff.

She recalls with a shudder: 'A customer asked her daughter to say thank you to 'this auntie', referring to me.

'I dislike it and even within my family, I make sure all of them call me jie jie.' Jie Jie is Chinese for older sister.

LifeStyle asked National University of Singapore sociologist Paulin Straughan, 45, to shed light on this auntie angst and uncle unease.

On the various uses of the terms, she says: 'It could evoke a sense of familial ties, if I asked my children to call my friends 'auntie' or 'uncle'. Or it could be a term of respect, like when we address a hawker as 'uncle' because he looks more senior.

'But there is also the notion when you call someone 'auntie' in jest, and that conjures up an image of someone who is a homemaker who is not quite savvy and with the times.'

Dr Straughan herself has been on the receiving end.

She recalls with a laugh: 'Last year, a durian seller said to me, 'Auntie, what do you want to buy?' He didn't look that much older than me. I remember snapping back at him and telling him, 'Don't call me auntie'.'

For forum writer Matthews, it could be time to relook the way Singaporeans address others, especially strangers.

He says: 'What's wrong with just using sir, madam, Mr or Mrs?'

This article was first published in The Sunday Times.

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readers' comments
"Uncle" and "Auntie" are a way of addressing not-so-old people with respect.


What do they want? "Madame?" "Monsieur?"
Posted by Rraymond on Tue, 17 Mar 2009 at 01:45 AM
Respect or no, it's very silly for a 60-year-old to address a 30-year-old as 'auntie' or 'uncle'. Singaporeans should find a better, yet polite, way to address others.
Posted by lightasacloud on Mon, 16 Mar 2009 at 18:25 PM
Dear Mr. Frenchman,
Aren't Madame and Auntie working in the same industry? As a sign of respect, better accustomed yourself calling your future local mother-in-law "mummy" even she is not.
Posted by cheewong1 on Wed, 11 Mar 2009 at 05:19 AM

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