updated 17 Jan 2010, 09:47
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Mon, Jan 11, 2010
The Star/ANN
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Caught in the middle

A IS fortysomething, and every girl’s dream – mature, attentive, gentle, polite, understanding, out-going, has a steady income and doesn’t smoke or drink.

We have known each other since I was 21 but we broke up 10 years ago. I was immature and used to show my temper. We remained friends but seldom kept in touch.

I met other guys but none of them could compare with A. Recently, I found out he has been seeing C but they’ve had a “cold war” for some months.

A says C is a strong character, much younger, educated, pretty and earns more than him. She seldom allows him to hold her hands or kiss her. Since they started dating, A pays for everything, from food to designer clothes.

A says their relationship is not sexual. I believe him because he never took advantage of me too. They spend very little time together as C has games, dance classes, etc. A got a new job recently but he is affected by the economy and C’s spending. He has tried to make her understand the situation but she doesn’t care.

Is C making use of A? How do I tell him not to communicate with her anymore?

I still have feelings for A but I know he will not give me another chance. How do I help a friend without ending up being hurt?

Unsure Friend

FRANKLY, you do not know that C is making use of your friend. He is in love with her and only he should decide to call it quits if he is unhappy with her.

As a good pal, you can only console and be a confidant/listener. Even if C is not his best choice, he must learn this the hard way.

The relationship seems shaky as he realises her shortcomings. You are trying hard not to dream and hanker for the past. You seem wistful and wishful when it comes to C although you know he will not give you another chance. You do not want to see him hurt but you find it hard listening to his problems.

Perhaps this is the right time to tell him how you feel. What have you got to lose if you still love him? Things are not the same as before as you are now more mature.

Be honest and sincere. Let him know that it is hard for you to be a good buddy when you hurt for him as well. Tell him you need a break from friendship as you truly cannot bear to listen to his pain. Let him miss you and realise that he needs you. Perhaps then, he will think of you as more than a girl from his past.

Write to Dear Thelma at [email protected]. The Star does not give any warranty on accuracy, completeness, usefulness, fitness for any purpose or other assurances as to the opinions and views expressed in this column. The Star disclaims all responsibility for any losses suffered directly or indirectly arising from reliance on such opinions and views.


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