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Sat, Mar 01, 2014
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Parents object to marrying cousin

I am a guy who’s 20+, with a decent job and income in the city. I am going out with my cousin, C, whom I met at a family function about three years back. We had not seen each other for a long time, and spoke briefly and exchanged numbers before we parted.

Subsequently, we kept in touch regularly by phone and the relationship blossomed. We became good friends and shared many things with each other.

Six months down the road, I realised that I’d grown fond of C and we became more than friends. We shared feelings for each other and I proposed four months later. She accepted and our happy relationship is now two years old.

All was going fine till the third quarter of this year when our parents found out about our relationship, which they strongly object to. Both of our parents have been coming down hard on us and we are facing a tough time being together. C was even driven to attempt suicide.

Meanwhile, I have been harassed continuously on the issue and I am under constant supervision due to suspicion that I would resume contact with C.

We respect our parents and we’ve come clean with them but they are refusing to accept the relationship or listen to anything we have to say. C and I are determined to be with each other but emotional pressures from both our parents are making it very tough for us. We’ve made our choice and we would like to be with each other and see our relationship through. We would like to settle down in future and have a beautiful family for ourselves.

Why are our parents reacting in such a disrespectful manner towards us and is it wrong for C and me to want to be together? As parents, they have always reiterated that their children’s happiness would be their happiness but now they react with such denial. I am bitterly disappointed with the way things have unfolded.

Hoping Hopelessly

HAVE the parents given a reason for their objection? Many people still think that cousins should not marry because they believe that it is incestuous due to the strong blood ties. Marrying cousins are advised to have medical tests to ensure that there will not be any adverse genetic effects on their children.

Talk to both your parents. Find out why they object as that will always be a difficult pressure point. If your cousin has tried to commit suicide, think of the long-term consequences. Can the both of you cope with being ostracised and rejected by loved ones? Unfortunately, some parents will not discuss issues with their children. They will simply assert their right as parents and expect that you comply out of filial respect.

You have the limited options of either breaking up with your cousin or marrying despite the parents’ wrath. It is doubtful that they will accept the relationship unless you can convince them that it is acceptable to marry your cousin. Perhaps you could talk to an influential close friend or relative. If you have some support, then your parents may be more receptive.

If you are determined to marry your cousin, then be prepared for some painful times. Both of you must be able to bear being cut off from loved ones and not receiving their blessing. Your strength and resilience will be tested, especially when you need help and support. And would you miss the warm, joyful festive periods with family? Can your cousin rally with you or will she be driven to suicide again?

You are still in your 20s so perhaps you should not rush into marriage. Give your cousin time to rebuild her emotional strength and take it easy with the relationship. Understand the folks so that you could find ways to convince them. Maybe they will come around if they are assured that it is not forbidden love. Or if you should get married regardless, perhaps your children will draw forgiveness and a happy ending in time.

readers' comments
The likelihood of blindness in the offsprings are also high. Hope these folks are prepared for these outcomes.

Posted by amfreeaccess on Tue, 1 Jun 2010 at 05:06 AM
This I would agree with U, medical data already highlighted the dangers of marriage to those of blood related.

I think we are asking for trouble for such an simple act of momentarily infatuation w/o consideration for their actions.

Posted by amfreeaccess on Tue, 1 Jun 2010 at 05:05 AM

"Love" alone will not see the marriage survive when the potential medical conditions hits your children, so don't bluff yourselves...Be prepare to face them if you want to get married and make a commitment to stick to it, whatever happens. Alternatively, don't have kids of your own and adopt them instead...
Posted by kooldog59 on Tue, 1 Jun 2010 at 01:37 AM
Love is blind, persistence is success. Never give up if you are in Love..
Posted by bluesky on Tue, 1 Jun 2010 at 00:17 AM
actually i'm in the same situation too. except that mine happened like 5 years ago. i think my mom has settled down with the fact that we are definitely going to be with each other. the only thing we have to give up would most likely be a proper wedding style in future. unlike our friends who can get the chance to enjoy a full-fledge wedding process, we will trade that process for a life-time's happiness. it still too early to say because he is not even financially sound but I think if that day comes, I know my mom will give me her blessings. I don't know about my relatives (I don't give a damn about them anyway) or my dad (who never talks about BGR to me or show me concern when I was with my ex-s) but all I know is, there is nothing happier and more .....
Posted by speed_fiona on Sun, 30 May 2010 at 04:34 AM
One of my father's sister was married to her cousin who was my uncle. Subsequently, her son married my father's brother's daughter. Both are my cousins although they do not share a common family name...My cousins all are doing pretty well and so are their children but all of them had to overcome very strong family objections to get married. So I really see nothing wrong with this but you cannot deny that there is medical evidence to suggest that first cousin marrying and having children have higher risk of birth defects because of a possible double dose of defective genes...
Posted by kooldog59 on Thu, 28 Jan 2010 at 01:01 AM
Just get married and produce some babies to prove your parent WRONG! Just do it and be responsible!
Posted by beng11 on Thu, 28 Jan 2010 at 00:29 AM
Criminalz must either be an ignorant child blogging or some uneducated bum. My siblings and I are a product of our loving parents who are cousins. Evolution? Do you know what it means? All the royalty in England are the results of intermarrying within the same bloodline.
Go educate yourself before you spew garbage!!
By the siblings and I are very successful, and I have an IQ of 160 does my children.

Hoping hoplessly......don't hope, ACT!! Go find out the reason and educate your families!!!
Posted by cityahbeng on Wed, 27 Jan 2010 at 21:02 PM
This is going against the grain of evolution. Go spread your seeds somewhere else.
Posted by Criminalz on Wed, 27 Jan 2010 at 17:25 PM

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