updated 19 Feb 2010, 17:21
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Sun, Feb 14, 2010
The Star/Asia News Network
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Romance on hold

Y IS a loving and independant man who is six years older than me. We met each other a year ago through a mutual friend. It started with daily online chats which led to casual dates and five months ago, he confessed his feelings for me.

Initially everything went well until my parents found out. They told me that I should only focus on my studies and career and nothing else.

I was devastated and heart broken. My parents even confronted Y which I thought was unnecessary. My dad said if he really loved me, he should wait for me to graduate before carrying on with the relationship.

What really upsets me is that I am not allowed to choose and make decisions for myself even though I am in my 20s. My parents are also religious and insist whoever I marry must be of the same religion.

I am really frustrated and just feel like moving out. I still care for my parents but how am I supposed to deal with this issue?

I tried talking to them but they just won’t listen. Although Y isn’t from a rich family, he has a stable career and is hardworking. Why can’t my parents see be understanding?

Nothing Left to Say

YOU have very protective parents who try to keep you safe within the parameters that they have set. They view education, career, tradition and religion as safeguards for a better future and they will endeavor to steer you towards security and success as they see it.

They truly have your best interests at heart but unfortunately, they forget that their little girl has grown up and has a mind of her own. They have not accepted that today’s youngsters have a strong idea of what they want. They live in their safe little world and expect that their child will do as she is told. Be patient with the old folks. Being angry and defiant will not score you any points and they may even blame your boyfriend for being a bad influence. Prove that you can manage your studies, career and a relationship without getting into trouble.

If they refuse to accept your guy, then keep him away until you are both ready for marriage. Parents are never too difficult because they love you. When they are made aware that you are happy, cared for and loved, then they will make some allowances.

But if they are determined to have their own way, then you will need to have the strength and courage to fight for your own happiness and future with the man of your choice.

Bide your time. You do not really want to upset loved ones and get ostracised but you are an adult and no one can stop you from getting married or making your own decisions. So do not be afraid to fight for love regardless of the obstacles you face at this moment.


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