updated 5 Jun 2010, 14:13
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Mon, May 31, 2010
The Star/ANN
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In desperate pain

I GOT married 10 years ago and have three small children. A lot of people think that I have a happy family. However, I am not happy at all.

My husband and I have known each other for more than 15 years. He is very hardworking and quiet. We do not communicate much as he does not share things with me. However, he does care about me very much.

A few years ago, we started quarrelling a lot. He says he is better than me as he is the one who earns money for the family expenses. All he does is take the kids shopping and occasionally to fast food restaurants. He does not bother with other things. He leaves the responsibilites like paying the bills and taking care of the children (I have no maid) to me. Because of this, I have very bad chest pain, backache and half my body feels numb sometimes.

This wasn’t a big problem before I had children, but now I find it hard to cope. He does not even bother. Every day at home, he sits playing computer games, watching television or sleeping. On Sundays, he plays golf. He is egotistical, stubborn and a show-off.

I have discussed my problem with him many times but he always avoids it. He expects other people like my sister to help me so that he can be free of problems and responsibilities. I have told him before that he is not carrying out a father’s responsibility.

I really hate to look at him now. I am taking my anger out on my kids although it is unfair to them. I have no one to talk to and always feel guilty when I scold or beat my kids. I am now thinking of divorce and leaving the kids with him.

Distressed Wife

YOU could be suffering from post-partum depression or you are simply at the end of your tether with the man you have married. Thinking of divorce and leaving your young children is very drastic behaviour for a mother.

You are physically tired and worn out from having to care for the children and managing the household.

Emotionally, you feel neglected and unappreciated. You resent your husband for ignoring your pleas for help. Deep in your heart, you know that he cares about you. But you want a husband who is more sensitive and responsive to your needs.

You feel alone with your problems because there is no one to share your thoughts and feelings. The rage and anger has been building and you hate yourself more for taking it out on your young children. You do need to talk to someone desperately. You need to take a break from the daily routine of childcare and housework.

Seek medical advice for your chest pain and backache. Request for counselling that will also involve your husband. Talk to your sister or a friend.

Pour out your problems, cry out your pain. Let loose the anger you feel. Instead of brooding and hitting out at your helpless children, take charge of your life so that you do not feel like an insignificant housewife.

Do not hope to change your husband. He believes that as the breadwinner, he deserves to rest and relax after work.

If you can accept this, you will feel less tense and angry with him. Insist on hiring a maid or part-time help. When you are less burdened by endless chores, you will be able to enjoy your kids and your life.

Plan a holiday with your husband. The two of you need time together to rejuvenate love and passion.

You need to hold hands, hug and cuddle up. You need to talk when you are both not stressed from the demands and chaos of daily living. It is so unfortunate that marriages fail because we give up so easily.

Work at your marriage for your children. Can you really walk away and leave them?

readers' comments
Whoa...dear lady what ever you do please do not vent your frustrations on your children. They are the innocent parties in this relationship. After 10 years of marriage most couples are usually very comfortable with each others company, hence most marriages hits the rock, for the art of wooing is long gone. Your husband sounds like he is in a stressful job and needs chilling out. Unfortunately his chilling out has been taken to the extreme, so much so that he has been ignoring the family. If at all possible engage a baby sitter, inject some romance back into your stale marriage. Like a garden you need to nurture it constantly to see the results!
Posted by heavenlyangel on Thu, 3 Jun 2010 at 17:52 PM

This is not happening in Singapore, right? Since it is reported by the STAR, I guess it is in Malaysia somewhere, maybe it is only Malaysian women who will let their husbands treat them this way, typical Singapore women are much more independent and of stronger character...may even have beaten him up or left him long time ago...
Posted by kooldog59 on Wed, 2 Jun 2010 at 19:54 PM

I think that while it is true that some extra-marital sex will re-set the bones and immediately cure the back-ache, maybe a barbeque and some Carlsberg down at East Coast (once the slick has gone) will allow the mind to be distracted by some jokes, and some sharing of facts that she is not alone.

After all, some women get "upgrade-fever" after five years, never mind ten.

With regard to the kidz, take them down to Bedok reservoir and let them run round it four times a day. The twenty clix will sort them out. She should ride a bicycle.
Posted by Trouser Press on Wed, 2 Jun 2010 at 18:54 PM
What kind of advice is that?

What she is suffering from is insufficient sex. All she needs to do is to get a FB.
Posted by Criminalz on Wed, 2 Jun 2010 at 18:41 PM

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