updated 1 Jan 2013, 22:54
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Mon, Sep 20, 2010
New Straits Times
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Which marriages are more vulnerable to breakdown?

Those who marry in their teens especially, said Zaidi, think marriage is only about having fun.

"Look at the Mat Rempits. They always have a girl on the back seat of their motorbikes but after marrying the girl they would no longer take her out."

However, he said, marrying young was not an issue if the couples were adequately prepared and had the guidance of parents.

He urged for campaigns to be held to remind couples of their responsibilities.

"Current pre-marriage courses are not enough. We must have campaigns with billboard messages."

Private investigator Julian Kennedy receives a minimum of 10 calls a month regarding cheating spouses.

Most of his clients are wives checking on their husbands.

With 10 years' experience in this line, Julian, who is better known as Jay, said most of his cases concerned cheating husbands.

"Ninety-nine per cent of the cases we investigate are eventually confirmed."

We take photos and videos of the cheating spouse. The photos are of the couples exhibiting a degree of intimacy such as holding hands or of them feeding each other.

He said more often than not, most of the affairs were among colleagues or involved someone the wife had introduced to the husband as a friend.

Among the Chinese, he said, most of the men kept "China dolls" (women from China) as their mistresses.

"These are men who provide for their wives financially but are never there for them."

He also said the current trend is for college students and those in their early 20s to pursue married professionals in their 40s for material gain.

"We even have clients who suspect their partners have turned 'gay' and are involved with someone of the same sex."

"We investigate according to Malaysian laws. We cannot produce bedroom evidence unless the cheating takes place in a property that is co-owned by the wife and she wants us to place a closed-circuit television camera in the room.

"Even after we present the evidence to the clients, only five per cent actually get divorced. The rest work it out with their husbands."

Not all cases, said Jay, were easy to solve.

"Some high profile cases involve wealthy people who conduct their affairs in exclusive premises we cannot enter."

Jay said the signs of cheating include unknown phone calls and SMSes at odd hours, when the husband or wife clings dearly to the phone even in the bathroom, or when he or she starts returning home late.

Not only was Jay an investigator but he sometimes dons the role of counsellor to his clients.

"I sometimes get calls in the wee hours of the morning from crying women who are emotional wrecks."

When asked if spousal cheating was on the rise, Jay said cheating has always been there.

"If the cases now seem more, it is because people are more aware of the service of private investigators, so the affairs do not remain a secret for long."


Read more:

The dirty truth about affairs
Which marriages are more vulnerable to breakdown?
What constitutes cheating?
"He was always cheerful after a certain phone call"
'The other woman needs me'
'It was purely for sex'


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