updated 24 Dec 2010, 06:34
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Mon, Sep 20, 2010
New Straits Times
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"He was always cheerful after a certain phone call"

If your friend is cheating, should you inform the spouse?

"It depends on the nature of your friendship. If it is the kind of friendship this can be brought up, then speak to the cheater first. This is because what you ultimately want is for the couple to resolve the matter themselves.

"Informing the spouse is unnecessary interference."

What if your friend's spouse is cheating on him or her?

"Always talk to the cheater first. Don't tell your friend."

'He even took his handphone into the bathroom'

* It never once crossed Jena's mind that her husband would cheat on her.

"He was not the type of person to have an affair. He was hot tempered, always busy with work and his hobbies. He could never find time for me and the children, so how could he make time for another woman?"

In her 10th year of marriage, however, Jena realised how wrongly she had assessed her man.

"I suspected something amiss when he began taking phone calls privately. He took his handphone even into the bathroom. He hid all his credit card and hand phone bills from me.

He was always cheerful after a certain phone call and I wanted to find out who and what was making him so happy.

"Then, I overheard him having an intimate conversation on the phone and that was when it dawned on me that he was having an affair."

Jena did not confront her husband but hired a private investigator to trace his movements.

"He was having an affair with his colleague. They were seen together after work at restaurants, shopping malls and hotels. He also took her on trips abroad."

Unable to accept her husband's cheating ways, Jena walked out of the marriage without asking for an explanation from her husband.

"I put everything into that marriage -- time, money, effort and lots of love -- and in return all I got was an unfaithful husband. If I had confronted him, I know he would make excuses or play the blame game. It was pointless to talk to him."


Read more:

The dirty truth about affairs
Which marriages are more vulnerable to breakdown?
What constitutes cheating?
"He was always cheerful after a certain phone call"
'The other woman needs me'
'It was purely for sex'


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