Dear Thelma

I AM married with kids but decided to leave the family for L, whom I fell deeply in love with. My marriage was never really happy.

L is a divorcee with two children, whom I accepted as my own. She is lovely and and we're happy with each other's company.

One day, L confessed that during her marriage, she was someone's mistress for a few years due to financial reasons. She then divorced her husband for the same reason, and also because he didn't love her.

Out of my curiosity, I checked her notes and discovered that she had had flings with other men as well. When I confronted her, she admitted it was all in the past and that she loves only me now and wants to stay in this new life with me.

L promised that I will be the last man in her life. I know her kids belong to different fathers.

My heart is really in pain. I love her very much and I know I should forget about her past and move on for our future. However, I feel sour and disappointed every time I think about her history. What should I do?

Helpless

IF you love this woman so much that you could give up your marriage and children for her, why can't you forgive her her past? She has been honest enough although she chose to spare you the details of her many affairs.

Perhaps it's not her past but your future with her that worries you. Do you fear that she will make a cuckold of you, like she did with her ex?

Doubts, suspicion and regret have reared their ugly heads. She had never been completely truthful. She told you enough but not everything. You are afraid because you have left your family for a relationship that could be wrecked by the very act that brought you together - unfaithfulness.

Loving a woman so much spells doom or heaven. You cannot leave her, for fear of seeking the truth. You want so much to believe her sweet words and promises but her many lies rankle. But you have to believe her or your life will be miserable.

The fellows in her life were either flings, or men rich enough to keep her interested. Do you really want to have nightmares of her with them?

Accept the present and try to be happy with this woman of your choice. However, it will not hurt to be a good father to your own children and be friendly with your ex.

Not burning all your bridges may come in handy when you are in need of love, sympathy and understanding.