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Diva
updated 30 Apr 2011, 16:25
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Mon, Apr 18, 2011
The Star/ANN
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Don't be a victim again

Dear Thelma

I AM waiting to get a place in university in June. Although I'm good in my studies, things have happened that are preventing me from studying.

I'm ashamed to say I'm not a virgin. I was raped by a boy two years back but could not do anything because of my parents. I don't want them to know because I'm afraid they will kill themselves.

I just told my sister, who consoled me. It was killing me but I kept it in my heart and continued with my life.

Last year I met D through a social network. We started chatting and it felt so good. I began telling him everything about my past and he sympathised with me.

He then proposed and I accepted him as my lover. In the first few months he was good to me. Later I found out he was not loyal - he was still with his ex, although he said he had broken up with her.

He just wanted to use me, but I loved him sincerely. He asked for sex and I blindly agreed. Then we had a misunderstanding and I started avoiding him. For three months, he acted like he wanted me, but I kept refusing him.

Early this year, he said he wanted to tell my parents everything, including the sex part. He had some photos of me naked and threatened to expose them. That day, I took some sleeping tablets, but nothing bad happened.

When he called the next morning, I begged him not to do as he'd said. He then came to my house and told my mum to ask me what had happened.

I told her we'd had sex and she beat me in front of him. Two days later, he came and promised mum that he wanted me in his life. She asked him to wait until I had finished studying. After that he was good to me and I was happy again.

But recently, D met up with his ex and they had sex. He cannot forget her. At first I asked him to get back with her. But the next day, I was begging him like a dog not to leave me.

He told me it all depends; if he wants his ex in future, he will leave me. I felt devastated.

I cannot live without him. If he leaves me I will kill myself. I have attempted suicide four times, but failed. D continues to cheat on me and I cannot bear the pain.

Truth of my life

WHY would you want to kill yourself for a man who cheats on you and blackmails you? Your four failed suicide attempts show that you were not meant to give up your life for him.

If you really want to study, concentrate on that instead of wasting your youth on a man who is using your body. A decent fellow would not threaten to expose photos of your most intimate moments to the world. If he truly loves you, he would want to protect you from hurt and harm, not inflict such pain on you.

You need to pull yourself together and stop putting your life at stake. You were a victim of rape and if you need help, you must not be afraid to seek it. There are many support groups such as the Women's Aid Organisation that will give you support and advice.

Reconcile with the past and put the bad things behind you. Do not allow another man to make a victim of you because you fear him.

readers' comments


Girls from chatlines and you believed they are clean? No wonder I called you stupid. The difference between them and those standing along GL, you know or not? Of course not lah. Their level at most is to assist you with your hands only. Anyway, I guess you or your friends don't know what's called 'p-r-o-t-e-c-t-i-o-n' that's why you got it (oops!).
Posted by mystrawberry on Thu, 21 Apr 2011 at 14:51 PM
i have a friend who screw a sg gal kena HIV from the gal. he get to know the gal from chatline...so sg guy pls beware and worst than below you mentioned
Posted by gigolo1888 on Thu, 21 Apr 2011 at 10:16 AM
Sounded over emphasizing on not having sex as a prize, it has its advantages for abstaining from screwing around.

A guy shd value a girl who is virgin for her good self control derived from good family training. Not the physical hymen as a prize. Similarly, a girl shd do the same valuing the guy for not screwing around.

The concern is girls screwing around may carry diseases as they may be deposited virus ejected onto them. Similarly, guys screwing around may have pick up virus. eg some guys like screwing around with PRC girls. PRC population has a high %, as high as 80-90% of Hepatitis B, a highly infectious illness that in chronic form, can lead to 25% chance of liver cancer. It is passed thro body fluid like sliver, vagina fluid and sperm. So both guy and girls are at .....
Posted by last_laugh on Wed, 20 Apr 2011 at 08:45 AM


You women? Those women who tell you that or don't believe in that are those who have lose it way long ago. They just tried to give an excuse after losing it that's all. Just like the constant excuse they give to men before sex: 'you strike a lottery if you can find one.' This is just a console to all those silly men. A lot of men still value having their wives as virgins. At least those of my age 30s. Those who don't? Already made a woman lose one or busy sexing around without commitments ;)
Posted by mystrawberry on Wed, 20 Apr 2011 at 07:46 AM


Not true.

Women, don't believe that.
Posted by amfreeaccess on Tue, 19 Apr 2011 at 23:41 PM
That's the problem! Guys never cherish or value women who are virgins.[/QUOTE]

Not true.

Women, don't believe that.
Posted by amfreeaccess on Tue, 19 Apr 2011 at 23:40 PM
Hello SG Gal it better you wake up. LET ME ANALYSIS AND DEBRIEF on WHY her bf want to dump her like sh1t:

SG gal
SG GAL ARE UGLY, D*RK SKIN, BODY OUT OF SHAPE,
NI99LE SO BL*CKie LIKE SH*T,
PU$$Y SO D*RKIE AND SMELLY AND UNSHAVE...
SPEND MONEY LIKE NOBODY BUSINESS,
GO FACIAL OR SPA SO MANY TIMES USELESS AT ALL AND THE SKIN STILL BL@CK BL@CK AND BODY STILL OUT OF SHAPE
BUYING CLOTHING NO SIZE FOR THEM SERVE THEM RIGHT.
GO TOILET AFTER LOO NEVER WASH HAND
DONT EVEN LOOK AT HER CAT FACE IN THE MIRROR MESSY HAIR WEAR LIKE AH SO....
ALWAYS HAVE SEX LIKE DEAD FISH- NO SOUND AND ONLY ONE POSITION LIKE LAZY PIG....
NO BR@W JOB OR SHALL@W
GOOD IN NAGGING AND .....
Posted by gigolo1888 on Tue, 19 Apr 2011 at 23:35 PM


That's the problem! Guys never cherish or value women who are virgins.
Posted by mystrawberry on Tue, 19 Apr 2011 at 22:17 PM


Eh hello Ah-Teck, today give us surpise huh. Never change to red colour or forget. I see, so now your eye sight giving way is it? If not must be either your brain or fingers lah. Good for you.
Posted by mystrawberry on Tue, 19 Apr 2011 at 21:55 PM
Dont be tied down by your history and experience. It is ok and perfectly ok to have sex once passing the legal age 16. Ideally, i wld recommend u do not do it just for fun sake.
Your mum and dad will not kill themselves. They will love u as their daughter, they will not value u less just bcos u have sex with u boy friend, as it was your decision. U shd report the rapist to the police so that that boy will be restrained and possibly punished.
U shd live as a human, u can choose your boy friend. This boy now cannot leave his ex, that is his choice, u must respect his choice. U too have choice. If he does not love u and "used" u, u have choice to leave him. What u need is to stay away from him. The first .....
Posted by last_laugh on Tue, 19 Apr 2011 at 18:38 PM

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