updated 19 Dec 2012, 17:22
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Tue, Dec 18, 2012
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Keep intimacy alive after marriage
by Benita Aw Yeong

Throwing in the towel is something increasingly accepted these days, says fellow counsellor Dr Sundardas D. Annamalaya.

Indeed, a recent study conducted by Marriage Central, a workgroup under the National Family Council, revealed that nearly half of the 100 couples interviewed had contemplated divorce at some point.

"In the past, relatives and peers used to put a lot of pressure on people to stay married, even if they were really unhappy.

"These days, women are financially independent, and the norms and mores are changing," he says. "The reasons to put up with an unhappy marriage are far fewer."

Mr Vasavan feels that children can keep a couple together, but only for a while.

"There are couples who come to me in their 60s after 35 years of marriage, saying they want a divorce.

"They can be living under the same roof but not sleeping in the same bed.

"Some feel that if they get a divorce, this may affect their child's chances of snagging a spouse of high standing.

"So once their child hits the late 20s, they split up," he explains.

Your best shot at creating a strong and healthy marriage? Thorough exploration before making those vows, and a high level of intimacy after the deal has been sealed, say both counsellors.

"I don't think marriage is going to become obsolete, but it needs to be re-defined. It can't just be about buying that HDB flat together," says Dr Sundardas.

"We need to be more intentional about pre-marital counselling, not see it as going through the motions. You have to work out if you can really live with the person's quirks and the things that annoy you.

His advice: "Date widely, and don't simply assume that the first person you're attracted to is going to be your soulmate or one true love."

He specialises in counselling individuals who have experienced violence and severe trauma in their relationships.

He says: "There are couples who date for eight years, then decide to separate two months into marriage because of something as trivial as the husband walking around the home nude, or realising that the wife does not brush her teeth at night."

Once married, don't think twice about going the extra mile to keep the intimacy alive, he advises.

"If romps in the car because the kids are always around at home is what it takes, go right ahead. Don't be shy about it.

"A couple I know did that," he says with a grin.

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readers' comments

OK lah...

In that case...sheesh...I'm off to Thailand as we speak...

I am lost for words...:):D
Posted by Trouser Press on Wed, 19 Dec 2012 at 17:06 PM

I'm your woman (the one)
Posted by Lotteworld on Wed, 19 Dec 2012 at 17:03 PM

U and your literal shaft :):D
Posted by Thefallguy on Wed, 19 Dec 2012 at 16:58 PM

Intimacy is about the five senses and the SHAFT system:

1. See beauty - even if she's 45-55.
2. Hear her compliments - even if you are slightly out-of-shape.
3. Acquire her sensual aromas - perhaps through a jungle walk to build up healthy sweat.
4. Feel her shape - externally & internally.
5. Taste her, and brush her using light facial stubble.

Hope this helps.
Posted by Trouser Press on Wed, 19 Dec 2012 at 16:57 PM
Humor. A real turn on :D:D Ik84h1k_qdxQQyzSwF7Ag
Posted by pokarrse on Tue, 18 Dec 2012 at 13:38 PM
intimacy is about whispering in her ears : i luv u.
Posted by sghunk888 on Tue, 18 Dec 2012 at 13:19 PM
Good grief! Intimacy is not about sex only, it also includes the 'mind' ....
Posted by mystrawberry on Tue, 18 Dec 2012 at 13:18 PM

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