IN the past weeks, we've looked at what to do for your first date and how to set up the first date over text and phone.

But now comes one of the most common questions: 'What should I talk about?'

People love to talk about themselves, so it's always a safe bet to ask her about herself.

 
But the standard questions - questions like 'Where are you from?' and 'What do you do?' - are boring and don't engage emotions.

Ask instead about her family, what she was like as a child, or about her passions.

But before all of this, you should realise that she will not open up about herself unless you open up first. You should lead the way.

So the first step is to know yourself. Only then can you really communicate about yourself in an attractive manner.

Take a minute to focus on three or more distinct parts of your identity, and write them down. These can be your career, your philosophy of life, your hobbies, your relationships, or your accomplishments.

Look at the list and rate each item in terms of how proud you are of it and how attractive to women you feel it makes you.

Now take another minute to jot down three or more topics that you enjoy talking about. Some of my favourite topics to talk about are movies, travel to foreign countries, Asian cuisines, psychology, fitness and diet.

Next, make a list of three or more of your dream goals. Think really big here, even if they seem far-fetched. Having a dream and pursuing it makes anyone more attractive.

Choose the top three items on the list and note down what you can do to start pursuing your dreams, even if they are small steps.

Put these three lists together. You now have a total of at least nine topics of conversation in which you are already very interested. You can talk about yourself, your favourite topics, and your dreams.

You can then practise steering conversations to your best topics. This will help you to show your best side.

My friend, Daniel, likes to talk about travel, fashion, music, and yoga. He's no good at talking about professional sports, so he usually stays away from the topic.

Keep the flow

Bridge from topic to topic to maintain the momentum and flow of the conversation.

For instance, this is something Daniel has said: 'Funny you mention the difference between American and European football, I noticed quite a lot of differences between Americans and Europeans whenever I travel in those places. The last time I was in New York, the funniest thing happened.'

Notice that Daniel just transitioned from a topic he's bad at talking about to a topic he really enjoys.

You can practise this skill of conversational bridging in advance. Starting from these topics - baking, politics, farming, religion - devise a sentence for each topic that bridges to one of your best conversational topics.

An excellent way to bridge is to mention someone you know: 'My mum loves baking! Every time I'm home for the holidays, she bakes the most delicious apple pie.'

From here, you've bridged from 'baking' and can now talk about food, travel, or family.

You can also broaden your horizons and be interested in a lot of different topics. See my response to today's reader letter for more.

This article was first published in The New Paper