updated 7 Aug 2009, 09:07
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Fri, Aug 07, 2009
The Star/Asia News Network
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Is my husband cyber-flirting?

Since the advent of the Internet, cyber affairs have become very common. My husband, who is recently retired, is starting one, I believe. I’m not too sure if I’m over-reacting but my woman’s intuition is telling me otherwise. I happened to see his e-mails when he forgot to log out one day.

For the past few months, he has been forwarding e-mails to a woman who happens to be his investment agent. They’re mere acquaintances as far as I know. The woman used to send him updates about his investments and also other e-mails on neutral subjects.

My husband reciprocated. He also takes pains to edit the forwarded messages from others, before he forwards them to the woman. This takes place almost every day with two or three messages for each session. Sometimes he forwards messages in the wee hours of the morning.

The latest messages have gone to another level. My husband sent a mildly dirty joke to the woman. Am I wrong to think that with his latest move, he’s trying to test the waters to see the woman’s response? She did not forward any mails to my husband for some time after that dirty mail. However, both are back to status quo now.

In my opinion, my husband must be bored with retirement and is trying to find an outlet. He is flirting, which is very dangerous. It can open the door to infidelity as inhibitions are lowered in the cyber world. To me, he has crossed the marriage boundaries with his actions.

I’ve got no more access to his e-mails now, unless I am that lucky again. Thus, I am in the dark about current developments. As such, should I nip the problem in the bud and confront him now? Or hold my tongue for the sake of peace, until something concrete takes place? Won’t it be too late then?


You know your husband well. If you believe that he is bored after retirement, then think of something to keep him occupied.

Do not start any accusations or say anything that will cause a rift. Perhaps he is feeling insecure and low in esteem as he probably finds it hard to adapt to a life without purpose. Many men have difficulty adapting to retirement unless they have interests like golf, sports or activities that keep them occupied and challenged.

Be patient with your man. Guys actually believe that cyber affairs are harmless because there is no physical or emotional involvement. Fortunately, the woman he has been trying to connect with is obviously not interested in his dirty mails or attempt at seduction.

However, you’re right in that your man may try to find willing partners in his new found game. Sometimes, it’s the thrill of deceit and secrecy or perhaps your husband just needs to know that he is still attractive and interesting to the opposite sex.

Angry confrontation is never a good start. Talk to your man and try to find out if there is anything that will interest him. Now is the best time to be a lover, friend and companion as the children are grown up and you only have each other to share this time of your life.

Sadly, we are usually too busy pursuing career, wealth and personal satisfaction all our lives that we forget to enjoy the simple joys of everyday living.

Wake up and have breakfast together, shop, cook, spend a day out on a local trip. Have a good time with friends, family or take lessons in dancing, golf etc. Let your man feel loved, needed and useful.

His pride and ego are being tried and he needs to know that he is not an old man beyond his prime. Many of us still need to find our place again after a hectic life chasing success and recognition. -The Star/ANN

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