Most women aren’t usually explicit about their reasons for withholding (or giving) sex, but they inadvertently become sex gatekeepers at some juncture in their marriage.
Whether it’s because he didn’t help clean up after dinner or forgot to pick up the dry-cleaning again, women tend to feel justified about not being in the mood for sex when they’re angry or peeved with their partners.
Conversely, they might suddenly be in the mood for love after receiving a sparkly new diamond ring.
Understandably, most men don’t have an issue with their wives giving in to their sexual overtures, but problems arise when sex, or the lack thereof, is used as punishment.
“When there are problems in a marriage, a common casualty is sex. We subconsciously look for the means to cause the most hurt without actually causing physical pain. Sadly, your partner is just as capable of returning the 'favour’ and this can go on until it ultimately spirals out of control,” says Dr Lee. Daniel suggests discussing problems with your partner and leaving any issues at the bedroom door, rather than bringing them to the marital bed.
“Treating sex as a transaction takes away the meaning of lovemaking and makes the rejected party feel unloved and undesirable. Separate the problems from the person and learn to accept your spouse for who he is rather than what you want him to be, as this makes you more open to compromise and less likely to use sex as a manipulative tool,” he says.
