For some, Valentine's Day might be about syrupy greeting cards, boxes of chocolates, red roses and candle-lit restaurant dinners. But away from the over-commercialised monster the occasion has become, what is love, actually?

The reality is, love is hard work. Couples soldier on a day at a time, making their relationships work in the face of obstacles that range from the humdrum to the extraordinary.

Yes, it may seem a rather unromantic definition. But it comes at a time when the course of true love has never been so rocky.

Divorce seems to be an easier option these days. Figures available show that in 2008, the general divorce rate was two per 1,000 people, up from 1.3 per 1,000 residents in 1990. A total of 7,220 marital dissolutions were granted in 2008, a 28 per cent increase from 5,651 in 1998.

It must be hard to find quality time for romance when your life revolves around work, when hard economic times put pressure on the family budget and when your chief concerns revolve around whether the children do well in their examinations.

Marital counsellors blame changing notions of love and commitment as reasons why marriages are more prone to failure.

'It's a different mentality now,' says family and marital therapist Benny Bong from The Family Therapist. 'It's almost like 'let's cut our losses. If you're not happy, I'm not happy, why do we have to put ourselves through this?''

A certified counsellor with Focus On The Family, Ms Chong Cheh Hoon, adds: 'Nowadays, marriage is looking more like a competitive, self-centred love. We tend to forget what is called the complementary love.'

What couples tend to forget is that new challenges are thrown up at every stage of marriage and new ways are needed to counter them.

Mr Bong says: 'When they first start, it's as if they are in sync with each other about everything and anything. But later they begin to realise the differences, such as how money should be used or how close one should be to the family, and it becomes a challenge to grow together.'

Senior marital therapist at Family Life Society Theresa Bung says couples in their 20s and 30s face issues such as how to make ends meet, set household boundaries and how to establish consistent parenting methods. Couples in their 30s and 40s are primarily concerned with managing finances and how to raise their children, and couples in their 40s and 50s have to contend with empty nests and the prospect of retirement.

It all sounds daunting but there are ways and means to keep the dreaded D-word at bay.

Pre-marital counselling is one way to make sure couples enter their union with eyes wide open.

Ms Bung says: 'A lot of people get married because they think it's 'high time we got married', not because they have given it much serious thought.'

Small gestures count, says Mr Andrew Chow, founder of dating agency Table For Six and formerly the managing agent for lifestyle initiative Romancing Singapore.

He suggests having breakfast together, organising weekend getaways and even exchanging 'love coupons' - where romantic favours can be bartered between couples - to keep the love alive.

LifeStyle speaks to four couples at varying stages of marriage to hear their stories of love, hardship and triumph.

This article was first published in The Straits Times.