updated 24 Dec 2010, 07:16
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Sun, Sep 26, 2010
The Star/ANN
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Well rid of two-timer

I MET V at 17 and after the SPM, he told me he loved me. I knew I loved him too. Things went well between us until he started college.

V began to ignore me, we talked less and argued very often. Some days, he didn’t call or text me. I felt something was wrong but we carried on because in my eyes, he was this wonderful guy who was extremely nice every time we met up.

We had oral sex, although I felt guilty about it. I’m a Christian and I’ve never allowed him to go all the way. He’s a Hindu.

I saw lots of girls’ names in his mobile phone but every time I asked about that, he would give some vague answer. I believed him but we continued to argue for three years. Sometimes I would cry and talk about our problems, but he didn’t really bother.

Once, he told me off when I asked why he hadn’t come to see me for some time. To get V’s attention and make him treat me right, I met up with another guy, then told him about it.

But V called my friends and cried to them. I felt guilty and returned to him. To make him feel better I uploaded our pictures on Facebook, but he asked me to remove them.

I had the feeling he was cheating on me, so every time we talked, I would scold him. I asked to break up a few times. Because of that, he ignored me for a month, didn’t attend my birthday party and told his cousin about our private affairs.

V would sometimes fetch me home from college; my parents met him and things were okay. We talked about getting engaged and he seemed okay with it.

A week before our last meeting in April, V treated me the way I’d always wanted. It was my happiest week in three years.

Then a chat friend in his college told me he had often seen V holding hands and having lunch with a girl, S. I felt like I would die.

I phoned V and asked him about S. He said he’d call back but didn’t. V’s friends told me he had been with S for two years. When I pressured V to tell me the truth, he kept saying “yes” and “no”.

He said I was rude and always shouted at him, and had asked him to attend church. My weight was also an issue. I’m 52kg; if I’m overweight, we would not be able to have sex in future, he added.

If I want to be with him, I had to listen to him – or get on with my life, he said. That made me cry; he brought me down as a woman and was like a total stranger to me. All of a sudden the wonderful guy had turned into a heartless beast.

The next day, V blamed his words on exam stress. By then, I wanted to call it off, so I ignored him.

Then I found out that he had a Facebook account. I pretended to be someone else and chatted him up. He told “me” that he had broken up with his girlfriend as she was very emotional and didn’t place him as her priority; if she loved him, why did she refuse to have sex with him? He also confessed that he didn’t love her.

The guy in V’s college then told me he is a womaniser who has flirted with over 20 girls. I was shocked; V had never behaved badly towards me.

V has tried to contact me many times but I have told my mum to tell him off. It’s been four months now and I feel helpless to go on.I don’t know what is true or not true. I just know I don’t want to be abused emotionally anymore.

Was it my fault? I can’t sleep or concentrate on my studies. I hate guys and don’t trust them anymore. I feel like I’m going through hell. I feel angry and lonely and miss V a lot. What should I do?

Broken Soul

GIVE in to your raging wrath. Hate him, think of the many things he has done to betray your love and trust. You are going through the pain of breakup and you need to vent the pent-up feelings in your heart and soul.

But soon, you will heal. You now know this man for what he is. He has been two-timing you, flirting with other girls and has little regard and consideration for your feelings.

First love is always hard. You were fresh and young, and believed that he was the best guy in the world for you. You shared everything with him. But thank your lucky stars that you did not give in to his demand for sex.

He tried to make you feel at fault till the very end. Too emotional; would not have sex with him; did not always place him as your priority. Is this relationship all about him?

He is simply selfish and self-centred if he believes that you should always be the one to compromise and give in to his wishes and desires. This is not love but a man’s need to feed his ego and lust.

Never think that you cannot live without a man. While you may feel that the world has ended with this loss, this is only an episode that will soon be forgotten.

Keep busy and useful. Seek solace and guidance in your faith for this is the time to ask for peace within. You need to be cleansed of pain and hatred. Guilt and regret over love can provoke many emotions.

When you no longer dream or think of him all the time, you will be ready to move on.

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