updated 28 Jan 2011, 09:49
user id password
Thu, Jan 27, 2011
The Star / Asia News Network
Email Print Decrease text size Increase text size
Husband treats me only as a sex partner


IT'S been a year since I found out about my husband's affair with his girlfriend of seven years. I'm not sure if they're still in contact.

What I know now is that he does not love me anymore because if he did, he would not treat me like a "bitch".

He is jobless again and throws his "no talking" tantrums whenever he pleases. He takes me as his sex partner and ignores me for no apparent reason after that.

I'm fed up with his ways and am thinking of getting a divorce. But I'm afraid that will affect my youngest son, who will be sitting for an important exam soon.

Although he does not like to study, I think it is not right to let my marital problems with his father cause him stress.

I'm sure my sons know what I am going through with their father. Enough is enough with his selfish ways; he doesn't think of other people's feelings and always feels he is right in everything.

He cannot get along with those he works with and is constantly out of work. He is not bothered about his responsibilities and blames me for being "this way" because he is married to me.

He also calls me a liar. Yes, I admit I lied to him because of my family, but that does not mean I've cheated on him in our 30 years together.

He claims that I slept around with four men from my former work place. The truth is, the men only came to try match me with my ex (this affair was before my marriage).

What I don't understand is why he's always looking at my mistakes. What about his own?

I'm losing my faith in him and my love for him. I think he only wants me for a sex partner because if he treated me as a wife and loved me, these things would not happen again and again.

Sex Partner

YOUR husband had an affair for seven years but you get rapped for some lies you told more than 30 years ago? Why are you hanging on to a guy whom you describe as mean, selfish and irresponsible?

For all your anger, you still seem to want this marriage to work. You are upset because you sense there is only lust left, without love or feelings. But why is your husband still with you if he no longer cares? Why does he accuse you of having sex with four men?

It does seem odd that these fellows had come around to match you with your ex! Perhaps you both need some truth and honesty in your marriage.

Do not use your children as the reason for your tolerance. They will understand if you have no choice but to leave an unreasonable man who does not love his wife or children.

That he is constantly jobless due to his inability to work with others does not exactly offer good values or a fine example to the young people.

He uses your body but insults you with insinuations. He cannot support his family and merely sits around waiting to be served. So why bother to be nice to him?

If you love your man, then you need to understand his behaviour. If there is no basis for his suspicions, then it is not right that he hurls wild accusations at you.

Perhaps you need a showdown to bring out what's on his mind and in his heart. You are already prepared to walk out, so appease the part of your heart that feels reluctant to do so.

It looks like you still wish that he loves you, and will treat you like his wife and not a sex partner. You are using every excuse or reason to hang on to your marriage.

But the lack of trust, the undercurrents and silent rage will surely erode the last vestige of love you feel for him.

Until you both can forgive the past and sort out the present, the relationship will always be distant and estranged.


readers' comments

Copyright © 2011 Singapore Press Holdings Ltd. Co. Regn. No. 198402868E. All rights reserved.