I don't know why I'm writing to you but I really hope that someone like you can highlight to me what I have done wrong.

I was wrong to start flirting online even though I have a wonderful wife, daughter and mother-in-law. At first I thought it was okay because there was no physical contact.

But I went deeper and it became cyber sex, then phone sex - but not real sex. Sadly, it involved any gal I could find via the Net.

This has been going on for more than 14 years. My wife found out about it a week before we were due to go on a vacation and we had a big quarrel about it.

She went ahead with our daughter while I remained at home to cool down. My wife wants a divorce but I don't want that because I love this family.

She also wants me to quit my job because it requires me to go to outstation for projects. That was one of the reasons why I got the chance to flirt around.

Online flirt

You have already admitted you are wrong, so I can only assume that you are looking for some kind of reassurance.

Many people assume that online flirting and sex, as well as phone sex, are not "real", but they are.

Just because you are not doing it with a person physically does not make it any less real.

Perhaps what is lacking are the feelings that come with having sexual contact with someone you know, and whom you can touch and feel.

People enjoy online encounters because they find them thrilling. The anonymity, randomness and, perhap, even the feeling that they will not get caught appeal to some.

There are some people who use this as a means of fulfilling their sexual fantasies, which they feel they cannot with their partners.

Then there are those who feel that it is "safe" as you reduce the chances of contracting sexually transmitted diseases because there is no real contact.

As you have been doing this for years, you have to figure out your motives. It could just be that you like it for the above mentioned reasons. Or, you may be addicted to this.

If the reason is that you like the fantasy feel of it, you can try and communicate this to your partner and see if you want to add this dimension to your sex life.

Do-it-yourself resources on this matter are not difficult to find. You can also, if you so wish, seek the assistance of a sex therapist.

Many couples have saved their relationship by addressing the wants and needs of their sex life. There is no shame in seeking help.

Just remember that you have to communicate this with your partner first, and seek her consent.

If you think you have an addiction, seek the help of a professional.

There are addiction specialists and therapists who you can consult.

You can try going cold turkey and cutting yourself off from all temptation, but it will require lots of willpower.

Either way, you are going to have to put some serious work into it.

The importance of communication and respect for each other in a relationship cannot be stressed more. Decide what you want in your life, and when you have made that decision, work hard for it.

Online flirting and sex is cheating nonetheless, and you can only expect your wife to be angry with you.

While she has had space away from you and time to "cool off", do not expect her to be all-forgiving.

Both of you will have to have to work on your relationship if you want to save it.