updated 1 Jun 2012, 08:03
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Tue, May 29, 2012
The Star/Asia News Network
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The problem lies with him


I was in a relationship for six years with J and loved him like there was no tomorrow.

Early in 2010, he left me for another girl. He ignored my calls and started using abusive words with me.

One day his girlfriend called and told me he had been seeing her since 2009.

He used a different phone number and they'd gone on vacation together.

Things got worse when J found out that I knew everything about him.

When I demanded an explanation, he showed up at my house in the middle of the night, phoned and used abusive words to my parents about me.

I decided it was enough. I had beautiful friends, and his sister, who stuck by me and brought out the best in me.

Then J came back to me in 2011. I was surprised to see a different man, someone who cared for me and gave me the best. I accepted him back, hoping that things would be better.

He treated me the way I wanted him to and I started to fall in love with him again. We talked about marriage, attended wedding seminars and made plans for our future.

Just as I thought everything was going well, he started to ignore me and abuse me verbally; at times, he even harmed me.

I have also tried calling his sister, but she ignores me too.

He has left me again. I do not know where I went wrong and why I am being treated like this. I'm so hurt inside and I want to get out of this suffering.


You don't have to wonder what you did wrong for him to leave you this time. It is quite obvious that the problem lies with him.

When he left you the first time, he had not only been cheating on you, but doing it for some time too.

He was capable of concocting this elaborate lie - of himself, your relationship, his relationship with the other woman, and of his life. This is not something most ordinary people do.

And then, he had the audacity to berate and humiliate you and your parents when you asked for an explanation - which he actually owed you for all that you had been through.

He sounds like a fairly arrogant person. He may have an anger problem too, judging from his reactions to the various situations you have described.

You may wonder how you managed to miss all this when you were courting. He was probably charming and perhaps even manipulative, and he could have made you see what he wanted you to see.

If you are still not convinced that this is reason enough to indicate that he has a problem, consider the fact that he has harmed you. Do you really want someone like this for a life partner?

Perhaps the best thing that could have happened is that this relationship has ended. You should not be surprised that his sister's attitude towards you has changed. She is his sibling after all.

At this time, it may be best to turn to the friends and family who had supported you in the past. This time, it may be harder as you had started planning for your marriage and future together.

But I think you can get over this difficult period with the help of your loved ones, and your resolution to move forward.

readers' comments
Okay, personal experience since I am one who cried a lot and cry everywhere I can find, even in MRT. 眼泪 can finish dripping one lor. Still can be sad at times and bring up to cry a bit.
Just remember, there will always be sunshine after the rain (rain will stop anyway). At times bonus is rainbow.
Posted by mystrawberry on Thu, 31 May 2012 at 18:01 PM

Classical and jazz are passes for me now though I tune to Lush and xFM (international). Now I am into Arabian and rap. Thank you, hope got chance to be blessed.

Sam Hui is my favourite song writer. My boss used his songs to mentor me (aka nag in another word) when I was 20 years old. I was like '虾眯使canto'? :eek:
Posted by mystrawberry on Thu, 31 May 2012 at 17:55 PM

That will be a very painful lifetime.
Posted by caeuser123 on Thu, 31 May 2012 at 17:40 PM

If you need to ask what it is, it means you don't have it in your heart. :rolleyes:

That puts into perspective what you say and your comments about women.
Posted by caeuser123 on Thu, 31 May 2012 at 17:39 PM
you said carry on with this life, as in.. carry on to love him and care for him even if the person treats you like nobody?


Posted by Dracula on Thu, 31 May 2012 at 17:25 PM

If you believe, this is what we called Karma. A person does his payback during his next life. Just be strong and carry on with life; winter will go away and spring will come.
Posted by HoldItThere on Wed, 30 May 2012 at 21:37 PM

Yup agreed.. I listen to Cantonese songs too... Normally I listen to cantonese love, sad and jazz.. I prefer a Capella than with instrument... I have a few personally collection mainly for my audio system...:) if happen there's a chance.. I burn a few copy for you... Btw.. You listen to classical and jazz music?
Posted by 158x128kg on Wed, 30 May 2012 at 21:14 PM
I Hokkien song queen leh (though I can't sing) Thanks thanks. One of my favourite song too. Usually I try to get older people to translate for me if its too 'chiem'. I thick skin go ask them. Btw, you agree HK songs all got very nice meaning? It's not all about love but also on family love too. At times, better than Chinese songs. So far I have translated a few nice ones for my Cantonese friends to understand HK songs better ;)
Posted by mystrawberry on Wed, 30 May 2012 at 20:45 PM

Seriously... That is one of my favourite songs!!!! :o:D:D

If you do listen to hokkian song... I recommend you this song...

Hope you like it...:)
Posted by 158x128kg on Wed, 30 May 2012 at 20:31 PM
... 我问天 ... 我问天 ... :d
Posted by mystrawberry on Wed, 30 May 2012 at 20:22 PM

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