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Tue, Feb 03, 2009
The New Paper
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'I thought we were happy'

Dear Dr Date,

I was dating a guy for five months, and I thought we were happy. But a couple of months ago, his ex-girlfriend came back to Singapore. I don't think he was ever really over her. A few weeks ago, he left me and went back to her. What can I do to get him back?

Yours, Sad Sarah

Dear Sarah,

Your best chance of winning him back is to get yourself to the point where you are happy in your life without him. That is when he will come back, if he does at all.

Assuming you weren't doing anything terribly wrong in the relationship, you should really make your best effort to forget about him and improve your life overall.

This is a tough pill to swallow. But the truth often is. Life is not always fair.

Your natural reaction might be to rush back to him in tears, beg him to take you back, hoping that he will see how hurt you are, take pity on you, and sweep you up in his arms.

You might feel like sleeping a lot, eating a lot, crying a lot, watching sappy romance movies, and listening to sad love songs.

Allow yourself to wallow in self-pity for three days. Then accept that it's over and get on with your life.

What you should really do to get over a guy is to wear your best dress, doll yourself up with great make-up, and go to the very next party or singles' event. Tell your friends you're open to being set up for blind dates. Be social.

How did you get into this sad situation in the first place? You were seeing him exclusively before he was seriously considering marriage.

The general rule of thumb is that it's best not to be exclusively seeing a guy unless he's serious about marrying you. Otherwise, you will never know if he is just seeing you until a better girl comes along.

Until that ring is on your finger, you should still be meeting new men and open to going on dates with them. If you had been doing that, you would now have more options.

Nothing cushions the blow of a break-up better than the adoring attention of other men.

What you want to recover is that abundance mentality. He is not the last man on earth. Believe that there are many other great men out there for you to discover.

This article was first published in The New Paper on Feb 1, 2009.

readers' comments
at least you saw his true colours within the first 5 months. can you imagine getting abandoned aft you get married to him?
Posted by yusaziz90 on Tue, 7 Apr 2009 at 16:20 PM
No wonder I can never find a wife because they all took your advice and shop around for best catch. I guess I am doom to be a bachelor for the rest of my life if girls out there listen to adviser from you.

I guess the girl is brave enough to take up a serious relationship and has been hurt by it but we should encourage such act and not demoralise her. However, that said; she should move on, cried her heart out and forget about a man who can't forget his ex. May be he is thinking of her when he hold you! Don't think that he dump you, sms him that what you dislike about him and dump the fellow and look for someone who desserve the serious view of an relationship.
Posted by oldbachelor on Thu, 5 Feb 2009 at 14:46 PM
Your thoughtless boyfriend has unceremoniously left you and gone back to his ex. You are better off without him, why do you want him back. I know you are hurting badly, and what anyone says is not going to make a difference to you. Rise from this situation, there's one thing a guy can't stand and that is a needy woman. I wonder how long this ex is sticking around for, or will she be buggering off soon. If she ever does he might just come crawling back, and that's the time you would want to give him an almighty kick up his bottom and sent him to timbuktu. While you are at it, ask him if it feels nice being dumped!! I hope you have the last laugh girl!!
Posted by heavenlyangel on Wed, 4 Feb 2009 at 22:18 PM
who is this counselor who is giving such seriously crap (and hence, immensely dangerous) advice to the public?

is the counselor seriously advocating that there can / should be no such thing as an exclusive dating relationship where both parties love being with each other and should spend time exclusively with each other, albeit with no wedding rings and no marriage plans as yet?

or are you trying to suggest that women should just have multiple dating partners out of sheer insecurity that there is no wedding ring presented to them yet?

taking your advice is the sure road to dooming a relationship right from the start...

dear Sarah, it is very heart-breaking to lose a boyfriend, especially someone you love and whom you thought loved you right back. so cry it all out, and believe .....
Posted by true4sapiens on Wed, 4 Feb 2009 at 21:10 PM

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