updated 27 Mar 2013, 21:32
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Mon, Mar 25, 2013
Philippine Daily Inquirer/ANN
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Torn between his wife and his ageing mother
by Emily Marcelo


I've been married less than a year. I'm an only son to a mother who just got widowed. My mother has no living relatives, as well.

Aside from my wife, I am her only family.

I love my mother very much, and I see her as often as I can so she won't feel lonely and alone. She is very prone to depression. I want her to live with me and my wife in our house, but that's where my problems started.

My wife wouldn't hear of that suggestion. She does not want us to move into my mother's house so I can take care of her. She has also said that bad things are happening to me because of karma, and that I am a negative person.

I made the big decision of moving out of our house and taking care of my ailing and depressed mother. I feel that my wife has come up short in terms of supporting me in these times of trouble.


Shouldn't you two still be in your honeymoon stage, all misty-eyed and lovey-dovey, trying to out-please each other in all ways possible? Or is that fantasy just in fairy tales? Have you already unleashed your fangs and claws in this short time together? Should they be coming out in matters of responsibility to a parent? Isn't that quite questionable?

Is the home you share with her too small that they'd be breathing down each other's necks or bumping into each other at every turn? Are they not friendly enough to breathe the same air in a room? Is your mother hard to get along with? Is your wife jealous of your close ties with her? Why is she mentioning this karma thing in relation to your mother? Aren't you, as a couple, even friendly with each other?

The fact that you've separated from your wife over something that could have been easily solved by a quiet discussion means your worry over your mother has overpowered you enough to let go of your wife.

Has she not considered the fact that your mother may not have much longer to live? Will it kill her to allow you to care for your mother for what may be left of her life? Isn't she proud of your devotion, and how you could have the same commitment to her in this marriage?

Your request to her isn't even whimsical! It's truly sad that your wife doesn't share your deep concern for your mother.

There's a saying: "A man can have as many wives as he possibly can. But he will only have one mother." Without children in tow, your mother is your only blood relative who will love you forever, come hell or high water. No ifs and buts there.

readers' comments
Like I always annouced ... the man who marrys EE is indeed a Lucky Man luckier than striking TOTO First Prize .... unfortunate I am a "sway" man without such luck this life .... :(

Posted by Small Fly on Wed, 27 Mar 2013 at 12:15 PM
The moral of the story - condominium now so tiny, where to put parents? Better stay alone, die alone.
Posted by Hehehehaha on Wed, 27 Mar 2013 at 10:07 AM

Ya... usually the wife will manipulate the husband to persuade his parents to sell HDB flat and then venture into condominium by putting he and his wife as the owners and parents as occupants. Then hor, when parents old already, cannot walk or become a burden to them, they will send the old parents to old folks home. In the end hor, the condominium belongs to he and his wife. Sad... lah.. things do happen. So, to all uncles and aunties out there, dont be stupid to fall into this type of trap.;)
Posted by Emily Elizabeth on Wed, 27 Mar 2013 at 09:01 AM
Many men, once married, forget about their parents (even if only son).

Many sons, however, remember to makan their parents HDB flat.
Posted by simaqian on Wed, 27 Mar 2013 at 00:18 AM

Are you trying to tell us a story :

One mountain can have 2 母老虎???

Want me to tell you another story :
Posted by fei.long on Tue, 26 Mar 2013 at 23:53 PM
my brothers are like that too, in similar context. No balls, bread winners, this is absurd. How have we been educated? Love is pus,sy always more juicy?
Posted by sayuri2323 on Tue, 26 Mar 2013 at 21:57 PM
In any household, there can only be one MAN of the HOUSE, and only one WOMAN of the HOUSE.

If wife and mother-in-law cannot agree who is to have the final say as WOMAN of the HOUSE, they cannot live together.
Posted by coolbeagle on Tue, 26 Mar 2013 at 10:47 AM
The moral of the story - most woman practice a kind of double standard her. They will not stay with in-laws but will train their son next time must stay with her no matter what.
Posted by Hehehehaha on Tue, 26 Mar 2013 at 09:41 AM
The problem is with the guy. He should be upfront and discuss this with his wife before they get married. If she cannot agree, they should not get marry in the first place. I am speaking from experience because my mother live with me. It is not that she get along super well with my wife but it is something which I discuss with my wife and my mother before I get marry. The problem is most guys is they think that things will just get well as it comes along.. NO! IT WON'T!
Posted by garone on Tue, 26 Mar 2013 at 09:26 AM
Sometimes when we read the word "Karma" that means there might be something to it.

This woman may have tried to live with the mother when both parents are around. It is always the case when the woman will like to move out.

Why? The answer is because the woman is treated as an outside party and most blame will lie on the woman be it big or small. These seem to be very common. Always heard couple that they are being hinted to move out. Some will say, their heads are getting bigger.

Some smarter women will understand the situation first and decide whether to marry a not. That is why a separate home is important.

The effects come later. When one of the parent is not around, the emptiness comes it. The remaining party will not .....
Posted by Hello Name on Tue, 26 Mar 2013 at 09:12 AM

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