updated 28 Feb 2009, 14:38
    Powered by
user id password
Tue, Feb 24, 2009
The New Paper
EmailPrintDecrease text sizeIncrease text size
Be a man: Make your own decisions
by David Tian

ONE salient trait of a strong man is that he makes up his own mind. Of course, he takes other people's opinions into consideration, but when it comes to making a decision, he trusts his own judgment.

This is especially pertinent when it comes to listening to the opinions of your date, girlfriend, lover, partner, or spouse.

But this also applies to the opinions of a man's male friends.

I have seen moments of weakness in men, and I have been as guilty as the rest of us. A man is unduly influenced in his opinion of his love interest, girlfriend or spouse just because some of his friends think she isn't as attractive as he thinks.

Since he cares too much about the opinions of others, he begins to doubt himself.

Perhaps the friends have good reasons for wanting him to be less attracted to her. Maybe they want him to see that she is deceiving him in some way.

Or maybe they are just envious and want to ruin their friend's 'undeserved' happiness.

Regardless, a strong man will take their opinions and reasons into account but will ultimately make up his own mind. A strong man is not easily swayed by the opinions of others.

This is especially important when it comes to a man's dealings with his girl.

A man should always listen to his woman. But in the end, he should make his own decision.

If you choose to follow your woman's suggestion, even when deep down you know a different decision would be better, then you are basically communicating to yourself, her, and the world, 'I do not trust my own judgment'.

You are weakening yourself by telling yourself this. You are undermining your woman's trust in you. This is a huge turn-off. Why would she trust you if you don't even trust yourself?

Take responsibility

If, however, you listen to your woman and then make your own decision based on your own authentic, genuine intent, then you are saying, 'My best judgment is leading me to this decision. I am willing to be wrong. If I am wrong, I will learn and grow from it. I am open to listening to others, but I take responsibility for my own decisions. There is nobody else to blame.'

This applies to such trivial choices as which restaurant to go to, as well as major decisions like relocating to another country.

Your attitude of self-trust engenders others' trust in you. Be a leader. Make your own decisions. And be ready to take responsibility.

Learn more about dating expert Dr Date at his website:

This article was first published in The New Paper.

more: advice
readers' comments

Copyright © 2009 Singapore Press Holdings Ltd. Co. Regn. No. 198402868E. All rights reserved.