I got this text message from a colleague during lunch last week: 'Don't know if you are into sales, but there is a DKNY sale at Isetan's promotion gallery. Quite nice casual stuff.'

I SMSed him to say thanks but I'm on an austerity drive. No shopping for me.

He shot back this reply: 'You need a man then during such lean times. Can ditch him once our pay is restored! Haha!'

Haha indeed. And this coming from a man too.

But I knew he was joking; my company's recent pay cuts have become the subject of dark humour in the office.

Still, his SMS got me wondering: Do men really think women regard them as ATM machines? (And if so, are men really that stupid as to behave like one?) Doesn't such thinking cheapen women and insult men?

Well, for sure there are women who treat men primarily as providers of material comfort and who measure a relationship's worth based on their partner's economic value. (Conversely, of course, there are men who think they can 'buy' women with their money.)

But if there's one piece of advice I can offer to women, it is this: Don't rely on men. Strive for financial independence instead. It is safer and more satisfying.

Depending on a man for money does nothing for your self-esteem, puts you in a disadvantaged position in the relationship, and might even mean an impoverished old age for you down the road.

I'm not saying that women should be so uptight as to eschew gifts from a man or be so martyr-like that they can't expect to be spoilt with presents once in a while.

It's wonderful to receive presents from the man you love. You feel special because it shows he wants to make you happy.

But while presents are always welcome, isn't it better if you yourself can afford whatever DKNY dress you want without wishing there's a man out there who can buy it for you?

Financial independence for women covers a wide area. One definition is not being dependent on a husband or partner to pay your bills. Another is about living debt-free, and a third is about having enough money to live life as you choose.

Whatever the definition, it presumes two things: you have money to call your own, and you are au fait with money matters.

Unfortunately, women still lag behind men in these areas. Although more women are working, most are still earning less than men, and there's also a big group of housewives who have no income. Many wives are also clueless about finances, leaving this to their husbands.

It's a dangerous situation to be in, the chief reason being that women live longer than men.

The life expectancy of Singapore women today is 82.8 years while that of men is 78 years. This means that a woman will outlive her husband by four years, possibly more as husbands tend to be older than their wives.

If a woman had left the family's finances to the man and has little or no money to her name, how is she to survive when he's gone?

This is made worse by how household resources are often drained by an ailing husband, leaving the widow to survive on a much reduced sum. And with the rise in female-related ailments like breast and cervical cancers, women without independent means are looking at a scary old age.

It's not just widowhood a woman has to plan for. What if the man is retrenched (as has been happening during the current downturn) or is hit by an illness or a car and is bedridden and unable to work? Or what if she wants to get out of a joyless, dead-end marriage, or if he demands a divorce? Can she cope financially?

It's risky to bank on children because filial piety is not a given. Besides, they have their own families to take care of.

Take my mother's case.

For the first 15 years of her life after she came here from Japan when she got married, she was happy to leave all money matters to my father. If she needed to go to the market, she'd ask him for money. If she needed to buy Hazeline Snow for her face, she'd ask him for money.

Luckily, she had to help him in his business in later years and so became more familiar with finances. Certainly she was the more thrifty spouse and when he had debts to pay, she was the one who saved up the household pennies to repay them.

Over the years, she has learnt how to write and deposit a cheque, buy shares and even invest. The day she finally plucked up the courage to use the ATM to withdraw cash was the day she discovered freedom (it was also freedom for me because that meant I no longer had to do it for her).

Her familiarity with finances came in handy when my father was bedridden and couldn't take care of the household expenses. And when he died, she had no reason to panic, at least on the financial front.

So how's a woman to achieve financial independence? In particular, what's a housewife to do?

Financial experts have a slew of advice, among them how women should set up their own bank accounts separate from their husbands' or the joint accounts they share.

Women should also get a credit card in their own name and use it to pay the bills on time. This will help them establish their own credit history in the event of divorce or widowhood.

The way I see it, a woman should strive to remain in the workforce for as long as she can. If she has to stop working, she should still be involved in some kind of economic activity, be it selling cupcakes from her blog or whatever.

A word of caution: While financial independence will make a woman more confident and fulfilled, whether it will lead to a happier marriage is a different matter.

There are men who like their wives to pull their economic weight at home, but there are also those who feel threatened when a woman has money of her own.

Some husbands will want to be the sole breadwinner because they believe a woman's place is at home, and there are those who feel safer when the wife is dependent on them. As one man actually told me, 'chances of her running away are less if I control the money'.

The issue is less complicated when you are a single woman like me. We have no choice but to be independent.

Many girls grow up with a tai-tai fantasy. They dream of snagging a millionaire and living the good life without having to work.

The reality is that rich, eligible, lovable men who will love and marry you are very, very hard to come by. In any case, with the recent global financial meltdown, the number of such men has diminished drastically.

Women will do themselves a favour if they aim for financial independence instead. Go out, work hard, earn your own money and safeguard it well.

Then, come lean times or good times, pay cut or not, you can shop any time you want whether you're married, divorced, widowed or single.

You really don't need a man to buy you that DKNY dress.

This article was first published in The Straits Times.