updated 12 Apr 2012, 01:09
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Sun, Jan 08, 2012
The Star/Asia News Network
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Don't just settle for sex

I AM in my early 50s and have been separated from my wife for 20 years (not due to a third party). The kids stay with me, but not always as they are all grown up and working overseas.

For the past 15 years, I have had two girlfriends. I broke off my two-year-old close friendship with Miss P about eight months ago. Since then, I have always been alone and miss P very much, although we are still friends.

I am not rich, do not own a big car, am average-looking, weigh 58kg and measure 170cm in height. I think this is the reason why I have a problem getting a new girlfriend.

My ex always complained that I was too thin and even threatened, a few times, to leave me if I did not gain weight.

My problem is that I am always lonely. The TV and DVDs are my friends at night whenever my kids are not at home (they seldom are although I always encourage them to be home more often).

My sex drive is quite high, so I masturbate to release my urge despite knowing it is not so good for me. However, I feel as if I "have" to. If I don't, I will feel down and depressed.

I've been making friends via online dating. However, most of those who do so are just trying their luck, or end up being victims of cheats. I was almost cheated a few times, so I am always cautious about this.

It always turns out that the women I have an interest in are not interested in me, and vice versa. I do not plan to remarry as I am not legally divorced. But I will do it when I do find the right woman.

There is Miss L from Cambodia, whom I met online. We like each other very much and I have visited her twice in the last few months. I plan to see her again and will bring her to Malaysia, as well as Bali, for a month-long holiday.

But recently, Miss L stopped answering or replying my calls and text messages. I still text and call her every day. The last time we spoke, she told me she had a family problem and was busy with work back in her country.

It saddens me that she does not even have a few minutes to spare to call or text me. What is happening? I have asked her a few times why she refuses to answer me, whether I have done anything wrong, and what our plans are for the holidays. But I still get no response.

My female friend has asked me to forget about Miss L. She says I'm putting too much hope in this relationship. I'm planning to work in Cambodia if Miss L accepts me.

Can you recommend some free dating websites? I do not want to be alone for too long.


SORRY, but Miss L seems to have dropped out of your circuit. Perhaps she had been hoping for more than two promised trips, or she could have found better options.

So do not bother packing up your bags in a hurry and consider seeking a fresh relationship closer to home. Internet affairs are not the best, as you have learnt.

Right now you are a hot and horny male desperate for sex, but you will not find a sexy woman online so easily. Why stay home with your TV and DVDs if you can try your luck face to face? Be more active socially and stop worrying that you are too skinny to attract the ladies. Looks are rarely the key criteria as women generally prefer guys who are sensitive, tender and considerate.

Hide your lust when you are on the hunt. Unless you only want to hit on women who are looking for sex on the run, settle for someone who can be a friend and companion. You will always end up lonely and alone if you are only out to seek sexual gratification.

If you need release and relief, masturbation is fine as there are no known adverse effects on your health.

While it would help to have someone in your life, you should also try to build up a good relationship with your children. Make time for them, visit them overseas, be a part of their lives and you will feel less on your own. Family is always dearest and warmest.

readers' comments

Yea, the guy will be happy with the fantasy :D
We are all beasts! :)
Posted by duntalktome on Mon, 16 Jan 2012 at 12:56 PM
Little communication and lots of sex is only a fantasy. Soon the girl will get frustrated and look for more meaningful relationship in other partners who can promise more.

Not an animal whose only interest is sex.
Posted by gerigeriyeo on Mon, 16 Jan 2012 at 12:55 PM
How not to settle for sex when this man's interest is ONLY sex?

He deserves a prostitute and not a lover.
Posted by *snoopy* on Sun, 15 Jan 2012 at 23:46 PM

Win-win to have sex-partner who has vocabulary of <200 words in any language common to the two sides of the connection.

Means more intercourse, and far less argumentative hen-pecking, which probably caused the guy's divorce in the first place.

I doubt it was his xylophone ribs as he mentioned...:p
Posted by Trouser Press on Tue, 10 Jan 2012 at 23:06 PM

Hahahaha. Hope and pray that one solve all I guess?
Posted by mystrawberry on Tue, 10 Jan 2012 at 22:26 PM

Given that he's tried Cambodia, I'm thinking he still has Laos or the far eastern regions of Thailand to hunt through.

Maybe a well-behaved farming co-operative girl from Ubon or somewhere like that.

My top-tip for the day.:)
Posted by Trouser Press on Tue, 10 Jan 2012 at 22:16 PM

True in certain sense but a bit judgmental lah. I believe he (the writer) is just being frank that's all. He sounded desperate to have solutions to solve all his problems :)

I have met divourcee who are great men. They are charming and matured but out of marriage due to reasons not of their fault though majority are due to infidelity. Those who are not, they no longer dare to love. They deserved a second chance. Divorced man was under my consideration during dating time for me personally ;)
Posted by mystrawberry on Tue, 10 Jan 2012 at 22:11 PM

What do you expect ? This is a useless horny man whose only obsession is for sex sex and more sex! He doesn't befriend women for a better prospect (divorce his wife and start a new family with a new lady). He only promises short holidays to satisfy his own lust! Typical lusty no-strings attached and no promise for any responsibilities type of relationship. It's no wonder Miss L has dumped him.

He should get his priorities right. His family should be his main focus. Spend more time with his children and decide if he wants to divorce his wife to cast his options wider. He didn't say why he's separated; just stated clearly it's not due to a 3rd party (ie: it's not his fault according to him but maybe it's due to other bad habits eg: gambling, womanising, no job .....
Posted by sweetoranges on Tue, 10 Jan 2012 at 08:26 AM

Hello Yan Tao(handsome)!

Fully agreed with yr opinion.
That lao ah peh is of no use.
His life must rely on women only.

R u a bachelor?
i m a bachelor-girl.
Posted by igodwhatuwant on Tue, 10 Jan 2012 at 01:01 AM

What a disgrace to men!

Useless old man w/o pride & dignity.

Better go to Bedok Reservoir instead of keep searching for more trouble for himself & other lah

Posted by sia.cheo on Tue, 10 Jan 2012 at 00:18 AM

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