updated 7 Jan 2010, 09:59
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Thu, Jan 07, 2010
The Star/Asia News Network
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My world crashed

I HAVE been married for 34 years. Family and friends will think that we were the most loving couple with the happiest family.

And I too believed that and was forever grateful for my what was bestowed on me. But recently my world crashed when I found out that my “good” husband has been having several affairs with several ladies throughout our marriage.

He is known to be an “ethical” person and is always preaching to others about doing “the right thing”. So how can he NOT DO the right thing when it comes to his family, the people he is supposed to love? What sort of a person is he? I really don’t know.

Married to a Fake

Sadly, many of us are the last to know of our husband’s betrayal after years of blissful ignorance. When the truth is out, the shock and pain can be devastating especially when you least expect it.

Unfortunately, many men actually believe that having affairs are normal. They think that as long as they are financially responsible to their family, they are clear of blame.

After all, the fun outside marriage is harmless and what the wife doesn’t know, doesn’t hurt. They are seen to be good fathers, sweet and caring husbands and fine, upright figures of charm and responsibility.

So sorry that your world has come crashing after 34 great years of wonderful marriage. Your every dream has turned into a nightmare. You do not want to accept that the man you loved and trusted could have turned out to be a deceitful, manipulative monster.

It is all the more horrifying because your husband is now a stranger in your house. You do not know him anymore.

But no matter the depth of your hurt and pain, you must decide if you still want this man. You are both no longer young. Can you forgive him and live with him without hatred eating at your heart?

You need to be happy and at peace or you will end up bitter and angry with him and with life. Worst, you may fault yourself and take on the blame of his betrayal.

Some of us need to know everything, every gory detail. Some of us prefer not to live with his past provoking ugly thoughts and reactions.

The future depends on whether you love him enough to carry on with the marriage. Or you may feel that you will be happier getting out of a relationship that has been a sham and lie for too long.

It will take time to heal. If you are unable to accept the reality of the situation, take a break. Be with a good friend or a relative. Talk about it. Cry, scream your pain and anger. Get some of the hurt out of your heart.

Remember that you are not alone. You have children, friends and loved ones who will support you.

readers' comments
Many couples will envy you having sweet 34 years in marriage. From some researches, professionals male and female are more likely to have adultery than less qualified adults. If we look up the flats and condo, expecting those owners or spouses having no flings outside, sticking only to their spouses for 34 years clean, we are not expecting a zero. It may happen in places where there is no phone, no car, no hotel, no bar, no commercial sex, only work places and homes. Both husband and wife's bodies and characters would have changed through the years. Relationship cannot remain unchanged. If it happens, best option is to treat the spouse as a good friend, not a prize you have won. Let him have a fling if he still can do it. No need to join the same activity if you are uninterested. Keep the family equally happy for tomorrow, .....
Posted by last_laugh on Wed, 18 Nov 2009 at 12:58 PM

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