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Mon, May 13, 2013
Philippine Daily Inquirer
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Did she do the right thing in taking back a serially unfaithful husband?
by Emily A. Marcelo


I am a mother to four amazing children ages 18 to 27 years old, and for 18 years my marriage was bliss. My husband and I supported each other's careers and encouraged each other's growth. I went up the corporate ladder of a big retail service chain in the US while he stayed in his job here and visited the kids and me regularly. He did quite well in his own field, the military, and earned his stars.

But the distance proved to be a real challenge that, after five years of being apart, the kids and I came home to be a family again. A few months after returning, we discovered that while we were apart, we both had extramarital affairs. It was painful for the both of us.

We promised to save our marriage and move on, but I soon discovered that he continued his affairs nevertheless. When I confronted him on the first one, he said, his way of dealing with my own affair was to take revenge. I tried to understand his macho pride and forgave him.

It was followed by a series of text messages, e-mail and telephone episodes with more women, leading to sexual encounters known and unknown to me. I tried to forgive all of them, again. I was rationalizing that it was his way of dealing with the loneliness of us being apart. But all his subsequent affairs say is that he hasn't forgiven me.

After much talk between us and the kids, with the promise that he would really change, we decided to give it one more go. Thus far we've gone into counseling and are spending more time together.

I ask myself if I did the right thing in taking him back. Am I setting a good example of a woman empowered to make decisions that would command the respect of her children? I am scared of the future. I cannot stand a repeat of the emotional battery of the past six years. He seems to be truly sorry and has committed to change. I see changes but the consistency is not yet there.


Yeah, sure! It's so easy to rationalize that what your husband did and continues to do is just a tit for your tat.

But how many tits would it take to cleanse his mind and pride of that one tat you did? Are you ready for more? Or will it never stop?

As for worrying about losing the respect of your children in this family drama-don't! Your honesty and determination will guide them.

They want to see integrity, loyalty and unwavering love in you. Your children who are now all adults will understand and support you.

Give it your all and you'll get it back a hundredfold.

You ask if you did the right thing taking him back. There is no right or wrong here. If you believe this is the only way of saving your family, that you truly love him and accept turning a blind eye to his many affairs to forgive your one indiscretion, then so be it. It's your right way.

It is only wrong if you avowedly hate everything you're doing but keep on doing it anyway. Every fiber, every molecule in your body will go against you, totally negate everything in you, and produce toxic elements that will make you sick one day.

Remember what one doctor said: "Our cells are constantly eavesdropping on our thoughts…" You're an intelligent and caring wife and mother. You know in your heart what's best for you. The decision you make, with or without your husband in it, must and should give you contentment and peace of mind in the end.

readers' comments

Must use your most sexy wan to ware off sexy cha bor :D
Posted by maipenrai on Tue, 14 May 2013 at 17:05 PM
The moral of the story - why are we discussing pinoy family issue?
Posted by Hehehehaha on Tue, 14 May 2013 at 14:44 PM

Is it??! :eek: Must use my white underwear then :D
Posted by mystrawberry on Tue, 14 May 2013 at 14:40 PM
Babysitting is never easy without milk bottles, toys and diapers :p
Posted by mystrawberry on Tue, 14 May 2013 at 14:39 PM

Like that must lup a HU over his head to ward of the voodoo charm :D
Very leng wan! :D
Posted by maipenrai on Tue, 14 May 2013 at 14:36 PM

i agree with you on part of it. but divorce is never the answer if there are children involve.. i read an article that it is always the children from broken families who will suffer the most. i believe this is why many strong minded women prefer to stand by their straying men.

for the japanese couples you mentioned, i think it is becos they watch too much Jap AV liao. :p :D
Posted by A_Commoner on Tue, 14 May 2013 at 14:13 PM
It is why I said what I said in yesterday's post in the woman-marry-younger-guy thread: that a marriage/asscociation of a relation is always dependent on the perceived benefits each party could derived from the other. True love? It was never really true. The saying that a girl look for security in a man is really telling us that she is looking to marry for money. For a guy he'd be probably looking for a hot babe and a sexual partner.
Posted by renyeo on Tue, 14 May 2013 at 14:05 PM
Sorry, I think I should say the truth, the marriage is dead.

In the article, notice the women's style of writing. Most of the time, it is 'I'. I have a good career. I have this. I have that. There is seldom a 'we' in it. She have never realize it, but she actually values herself more.

I'm someone who mix with guys often and I understand them. When a husband cheats, it is still forgivable. But when a wife cheats, it is never going to work anymore. This is something which not every girl will know - A guy's tolerance in cheating is actually close to Zero..

The most disrespect, hurtful and sad experience a guy can get in life is not a boss insulting him in front of 500 colleagues. It is when he knows that his wife is .....
Posted by mikuhatsune on Tue, 14 May 2013 at 14:00 PM

See situation lah. If he no love me then I will stop loving him lor. Sometimes is they (pitiful men) kena voodoo from these women so need us these '正规娘娘' to come out to slap them a bit.

We have been together for years. I know him till 'chow sung' hor :D
Posted by mystrawberry on Tue, 14 May 2013 at 13:27 PM
You can try to even the score yourself lor!
Posted by maipenrai on Tue, 14 May 2013 at 13:21 PM

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