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Sun, May 10, 2009
The Star/Asia News Network
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Harmless fun?

MALAYSIA - I HAVE been having online chats with many ladies. Recently, my wife found out about that and made a big fuss. I do not see anything wrong as I have never slept with any of them even though I engage in sex talk that is quite intimate in nature. I see it only as a form of fun and variety.

I must admit that some of the women are quite attractive and I have been tempted to meet them and take it further. So far, I have managed to control myself and haven’t strayed.

Yet, my wife claims that this is a form of cheating. I just do not get her point and we’ve had huge arguments over this. I am writing just to get an outsider’s opinion on this.

Just Innocent

AS A man, you should respect your wife. She is not a fool and obviously knows you well enough to stop you from exploring such fun and variety.

Since you admit that you have been tempted to meet with the online encounters and “take it further”, why feel anger and indignation towards your wife? While you have yet to physically stray, the chats are sexual and intimate in nature. Until your wife found out, they were your secrets. When you are deceitful and have the intention to cheat, you are guilty of betraying love and trust.

Your control is not of your own will. Should the opportunity arise, you would want to experience the thrill of sex with strangers. Your curiosity has been aroused, your sense of sexual adventure provoked. You feel excited, alive and liberated. You think you deserve to have a bit of harmless fun, some naughty escapades without the heat of flesh and passion.

It usually starts like that. At this point, you believe you are in absolute control. You make excuses for the occasional lapses, those moments when you really wish to go all the way. But fear holds you back. When you can no longer resist the temptation, you will succumb.

Once you have experienced the first affair, you will become more careful and devious. You will probably then blame your wife for your boring existence and build up rage to suppress your guilt.

Do not kid yourself that it is her fault. Your wife has every right to ensure that her marriage is not under threat, that she is safe in your heart and bed. While you want to feel justified, blameless and innocent, look closely into your heart and mind. Every time you log onto your sexual games and fantasies, where is your control?


readers' comments
Hi RedDotter1, not all guys are gundu heads. There're gd decent men arnd e.g. my bro-in-law. Married over 15 yrs to my elder sis & can attest to the fact that he's loving dad & devoted husband. Thankful that my sis is truly lucky & blessed. No illusions that they hv ups & downs in their relationship but guess the foundation built is strong enough 2 withstand the vagaries of Life if both partners realised not to take each other for ain't easy but its doable
Posted by chieftain on Sat, 3 Oct 2009 at 03:52 AM
So typical of a spoilt and ingrate S'porean men. Please don't blame why the women are doing likewise. Thanks to our men's leadershit.
Posted by RedDotter1 on Fri, 2 Oct 2009 at 16:45 PM
Dude, be careful. U got a loving wife & partner. Be thankful & grateful for that. Don't take things for granted. Same advice: Play with FIRE & you'll get BURNED & might lose everything you cherished. So don't be bloody FOOL. Free but gd advice.
Posted by chieftain on Fri, 2 Oct 2009 at 16:41 PM
I totally agree with $sense. I’m not a staunch Christian, but I always remember this: "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you". Imagine your wife secretly talking with other men on-line. And you said, I have not slept with any of them.. When you use “have Not”.. are you planning to? So what if your wife “have not” slept with any of the men yet? Perhaps you should think of the consequences too.
Posted by sherryng_06 on Mon, 11 May 2009 at 12:50 PM
Just put yourself in your wife's shoes. For example, she chats online with many men and some men are much more handsome than you are, would you make a fuss too although she kept claiming that these online chats are just for fun? How would your heart feel if your wife had done these without your knowledge?
Posted by $sense on Mon, 11 May 2009 at 08:08 AM
I agree completely with the answer. Do NOT play with fire. You WILL invariably get burned. Remember, the spirit is strong but the FLESH is WEAK. Respect & trust is like a piece of glass - once broken, CANNOT be mended or repaired. If you really/genuinely love your wife & treasure her, STOP what you are doing. It is not worth it. Do not throw away what has been built up through the years. You WILL definitely regret it. Once down the slippery path, there is NO way back.
Posted by Dragonf1y on Mon, 11 May 2009 at 06:17 AM

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