I PREVIOUSLY wrote to you about my body odour problem. Well, life goes on. I’ve been in the workforce for the past three years and have had my fair share of ups and downs, but managed to suppress the smell of fear a lot more than when I was in university.
One of my major concerns then was that I couldn’t find a partner because of my problem, and I felt really lonely. But in my first week at my job, I met T.
When I first brought him home a year ago, my mum loathed the fact that he’s from a poor family. She really tried to make me hate him, and I did think of leaving him.
My mum constantly yelled at me for being so stupid that I was with someone who might not be able to support me. I would have to work hard instead of having someone take care of me financially and providing a comfortable life.
I tolerated it until recently when my friends and relatives commented that I was doing better than him (I’ve just been promoted). It hurt me because I really don’t want to be with a person the whole world feels is not good enough for me.
T is an introvert and everyone says that he won’t make it far in life as such a passive person. He’s already 27 but doesn’t own a car or property. He supports his family and most of the time, he pays for our meals but that’s only at hawker stalls. He seldom takes me to classy places for meals or trips.
He’s been talking about marriage but I am the one who’s been putting the brakes on as I am afraid that once we get married, my comfortable life will end. I believe it is the man’s responsibility to put the bread on the table and only sometimes should the woman be the breadwinner.
He is saving money to start a business but there’s no certainty it will succeed. But he will never give up and told me that he will put his career before me. He is determined, which is why I believed him in the first place.
He is a good man and if he were financially stable, he would be the perfect guy for me. I know I seem shallow but money will cause many arguments in a relationship. I don’t want it to break up my marriage and I do not want anybody looking down on my husband-to-be.
But I am afraid of being lonely again, and I hate the fact that I am holding on to him for selfish reasons.
BO Girl
YOU worry and care too much about what others think. It’s like allowing BO to take over your life all over again because it leaves you insecure, unsure and afraid of your future.
If you love this man, does it matter that you earn more? If friends and relatives look down on him, shouldn’t you defend him? He has a job, pays for meals, takes care of his family. He seems determined and persistent in his goals and dreams. In fact, you should be more concerned that he will put career before you.
Regardless of how others see him, you should trust your heart and mind. Sure, financial problems will aggravate a relationship but you are doing well and earning enough to live comfortably. Many couples compromise and juggle resources. Guys take care of household chores, change diapers and do the household shopping. So he earns less but he helps and supports you.
Do not be a fool and shallow enough to be swayed by superficial comments. Introvert does not mean passive and weak. He has ambition, courage and hope for his future. Help him, do not join in the ridicule.
You should know if this man has the will to make it good. However, if you have too many doubts, give this relationship a miss. This man deserves better.
