Translated from The Yomiuri Shimbun, Japan
Dear Troubleshooter:
I'm a woman in my late 60s. I'm an old-fashioned person. I married my husband for love. It has been 50 years since we first met. Until six months ago, I had never had a fight with him and never thought about divorce.
Six months ago, he sat down with a pale face and told me he had had an affair. What is shocking to me is that it was my elder sister, who died of illness a year ago, with whom he had the affair. I was too shocked to say a word.
Since then, we have not spoken to each other. At this age, I have no place to go. I want to die when I think about it. What should I do?
My sister was always single. She seemed to have had some boyfriends, but I never imagined that she had an affair with my husband. He is kind and serious, and people respect him.
He does not hesitate to tell me he cannot forget the 15 years he enjoyed with her. I have been working hard since we married. I'm now living in hell. I have no one to talk to about this. What should I do?
E, Ibaraki Prefecture
Dear Ms. E:
I cannot understand why your husband talked about his affair despite having kept it a secret for more than 15 years. Maybe he wanted to lighten his sense of guilt as his lover died.
He may have been able to lessen his burden by doing that, but it must be really hard for you as you were forced to listen to such a confession. Moreover, he is very selfish and cruel to speak about what his experience was like with her. Don't give him an inch.
You said you had never had a fight with him. But why don't you speak up this time? You can vent your true feelings at him, giving him some fire and brimstone. And you need to ask him what he really thinks about how he can atone for what he did.
You can then separate for a while to think about what you are going to do from now on. During the separation, you need to ask him to pay for your expenses in living alone. In case you fail to resolve this matter with him, you can request arbitration from the family court. Don't suffer alone. Visit a community law center and seek advice.
Sachiyo Dohi, lawyer
The Yomiuri Shimbun/Asia News Network
