updated 26 Mar 2010, 20:04
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Fri, Mar 26, 2010
The Star/ANN
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Do women like me for myself?

IN my school days, I was a mischievous boy who always got into trouble. The girls hated me because they thought I was childish and irritating although a lot of boys, especially my friends, enjoyed my company. The same thing happened when I was in college.

I graduated last year and am now in a private company, where competition among the employees is high. As a result, I was forced to work harder and think smarter. I had to change my behaviour too, which meant no more pranks or childish acts.

Slowly my efforts bore fruit. I got promotions and pay increases. My company even gave me a new, imported car. I’m considered one of the best young managers. I must say I’m very proud of myself.

Due to the treatment I got from girls during my school and college days, I have a phobia about them. I seldom talk to girls, unless it’s about work. My peer group compromises mostly guys. Some of my colleagues are beginning to think that I’m gay, although I’m not.

I do enjoy watching girls and dream of having one. But whenever there are girls around, I don’t feel comfortable. I have this feeling that they are looking at me like I’m “one kind”, even though they are not.

News of my outstanding performance spread like wild fire to my school friends. Messages began to flood my email and Facebook account. Countless people tried to befriend me. It seems like my female classmates, who never invited me for anything before, want to see me every week now.

Of course I enjoy all the attention, but somehow I feel that they’re looking more at my achievements (money and fame) than my real self.

Recently, a number of girls confessed their feelings for me. I am totally confused; those who thought I was a hopeless piece of crap are now saying that they love me more than they love themselves.

Although this doesn’t affect my life much, it is turning my sexuality upside down. Am I turning into a gay or what? I think I enjoy the company of guys more. But I honestly cannot imagine that I am gay.

Gay Guy?

YOU are not a homosexual just because you are uncomfortable around women, or enjoy being with the fellows more. Your sexuality does not seem to be the issue; perhaps your sensitivity and insecurities are causing this emotional confusion.

If you were a playful, irritating youth who used to terrorise the gals, then you would not get any sympathy or empathy for your lack of female attention. However, you were probably too sensitive about their reaction to you.

Your current “phobia” appears to be more the fear of rejection and being laughed at now that you are all grown up and interested in the ladies.

Perhaps you would be more attractive to them if you were more humble and less egoistic. Your outstanding performance at work and promotions surely cannot be getting such attention from ex-female classmates?

Surely they know better than to throw themselves at the chap who used to play pranks and acted the class jerk? You may be sweet, warm and vulnerable at heart, but who is to know the real you?

You seem to lack emotional balance and probably need to seek professional therapy for your mindset. Believing that you can garner intense attention and confessions of love because of your achievements seems exaggerated and unreal.

Sorry to be brutally frank, but it must be a joke if the ladies seem so desperate to date you just for a ride in your imported car.

Until you understand that true love does not appear on Facebook or pour in from emails, you need to try to understand women and relationships. Be nice to the gals – they won’t bite. Enjoy a date or two before you wonder if you are gay.

Remember, too, that there is no need to be a class act. Being a mischievous boy or a top manager won’t make friends or attract love. It is easier to be yourself. A sincere, honest caring person scores all the points.

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