updated 18 Jan 2011, 12:21
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Sun, Jan 16, 2011
The Star/ANN
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Tug of love

Dear Thelma

MY boyfriend and I are still studying. We paired up two months ago, after knowing each other for two years.

He loves me and treats me very well. We promised each other to finish our studies first before planning for our future.

I didn't tell my parents about him because they think I'm too young to handle a relationship and shouldn't date yet. But they found out that I often go out with this guy and started questioning me.

I'm scared to tell them about our relationship because I know they will object. I know my parents are concerned about my future, but I know how to handle my relationship and my studies.

What should I do? I can't just break up with him because of this - he has asked me not to leave him. I didn't tell him my parents don't want me to have a boyfriend now (I'm 20) because I don't want him to feel unaccepted.

Sometimes when I want to go out with him, dad will grumble and give me a warning. I'm so tired of this.

Dad is autocratic and tries to control my life. I know he worries about me but I'm big enough to take care of myself.

I can't just stay in the house 24 hours a day during the semester holidays - the only time I'm able to meet him. Sometime I feel like a prisoner with no choices.


YOU come across as a sensible, mature young adult who knows what you want. You understand that your parents care and want the best for you.

Unfortunately, they do not believe that love should come into your life until you have finished your studies.

This is a constant tussle between parents and children. What is the best for you? How do they protect you from heartbreak and ruined chances?

They worry about your future and fear that you will get hurt. You hate that they doubt you. You feel their love is a burden as you need to juggle new-found passion against lies and deceit.

It is tiring and frustrating because you are a dutiful child who does not want to hurt your parents.

If you feel strongly that you wish to pursue this relationship, you will have to gain their trust. If you cannot talk to your father, does mum understand?

Let her know how you feel. Tell her that you can manage love and studies as your results have proven.

Tell her you do not want to constantly lie to be with your boyfriend.

Take a bold step and introduce her to your guy. Perhaps she can help persuade your father and convince him if she is comfortable with your relationship.

Do not feel so stricken and alone. Talk to a close friend and share your tears.

We all go through a phase when love is the most important thing to us. Never trap yourself in a prison of your own making.

There are always ways to get through to your folks. If not, you'll just have to bear their wrath when they find out.

We all break some rules sometimes. But just make sure that you can manage this responsibility.

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